When a person has low esteem, and a lack of self love, they tend to find themselves in dysfunctional relationships, with great unhappiness. Of course, when the opposite point is reached, with too much, people can become narcissistic and cause problems for those around them as a result.
Those who do love themselves in a healthy way, have good esteem and self worth, find themselves in joyful, fulfilling relationships and situations.
Life flows with greater ease when people have a healthy level of self love and esteem.
Personal Growth And Mindset Development Are Crucial For Cultivating Self Love
Mindset matters to everything in life, and practicing self love is completely dependent on how you think of yourself. Thus making mindset essential to cultivating self love in a healthy way.
Mindset is very rarely fixed, for most people there is a shift from being single into a dating mindset, then another mindset for being in a long term relationship, being married, having a family, and on through various life stages. Everyone has a mindset around studying, work, travel, and everything else in life.
Self love and esteem are directly linked to mindset, so personal growth, and dealing with past problems, mental health issues, etc. is essential for anyone developing self love healthily.
Cultivating Self Love For Healthy Relationships And Happiness
- What Is Self Love?
- Self Love And Self Esteem How They Relate
- The Effect of Self Criticism On Self Love
- What Self Forgiveness Does To Improve Self Love
- What Self Love Means In Terms Of Impact On Relationships
- How To Achieve Self Love
- 4 Ways To Practice Self Love And Increase Self Worth Healthily
- Practice Self Love On A Daily Basis
What Is Self Love?
What is self love? Self love is how we feel about ourselves. It encompasses everything from loathing through to infallible belief in being the most amazing person to ever live.
Healthy self love revolves around viewing the self free from filters and distortion. When a person exhibits healthy self love they are able to objectively see themselves for the value they bring to the world, and appreciate themself in a manner which is directly proportionate to that.
Self Love And Self Esteem How They Relate
Self love is how you love yourself, esteem is how you view yourself.
As such they are very much linked, while being different in a few key ways.
It’s completely possible to see yourself as highly skilled, and proficient in certain fields, notably with work, though to be unlovable. There are a lot of very proficient people, successful business, medicine, the military, who know they are good at what they do, yet have declining feelings of self-worth.
By contrast, it’s much rarer for someone to have a high sense of self love, though a low state of esteem. Usually when people feel healthy self love, they have reasonable perspective on their capabilities in life.
The Effect Of Self Criticism On Self Love
While constructive criticism is good, and framed properly helps with personal development that can support confidence and self love.
Criticism, both internal and external, that is overly negative can harm mental health and overall well being. Constantly thinking on how badly you have done, that you have done wrong, can cause people to feel bad in an ever deeper way, leading them feel feel they’re a bad person when they are actually good and have just been overly self critical.
There are times when accepting you have made mistakes, or done something bad, are good courses of action. Aim for restitution, bring balance back, apologize where possible, and clean the situation up.
For some mistakes, where you are the only person involved, say a personal purchase made with your own money that you regret, acknowledge the mistake. As some say, nobody’s perfect. Learn from it. Let og of that inner critic. Then move on. Beating yourself up, especially repeatedly, will only have you feel bad, and bring misery.
Learn from the lessons of life, exercise self compassion in a healthy way, and move forward. Loving yourself, and being fair to yourself and others will lead to a better life.
What Self Forgiveness Does To Improve Self Love
Self compassion is important for healthy self love.
As with criticism, you must let go at some point. Use techniques such as Hawaiian forgiveness technique Ho’oponopono, which has you let go of negativity and conflict with others and yourself. Leading to greater calm and harmony within.
Forgiveness is important to self love, and love in general. Forgiveness is a core part of compassion, which is one of the 10 core points of importance in a life partner.
When you can forgive, both yourself and others, then the route opens to love again.
What Self Love Means In Terms Of Impact On Relationships
People as a rule attract a relationship that mirrors how they think of themselves on an unconscious level.
Low self love, low esteem, often lead to challenges in a relationship. Often bringing either a partner who treats them poorly, or creating a situation where they continually question why their partner loves them. The first situation leads to further reductions in self love in the majority of cases. While the second can lead to healing, though can also lead to the partner leaving if they grow tired of always being asked why they are together and what they see in them.
When both partners have healthy self love, many relationship challenges cease. Allowing both people to feel good together, and enjoy a fulfilling relationship.
How To Achieve Self Love
While some people struggle with self love, feeling worthless and unlovable for much of their lives, others feel quite the opposite. There’s a phenomenon noted as self-positivity bias that m think quite positively of ourselves, often in an unrealistic way. Feeling overly worthy of love is in many ways as bad as feeling unworthy, though potentially worse.
Achieving self love only brings real value when it is rooted in reality, and justified.
Everyone is worthy of love, regardless of who they are. That must be balanced in terms of what they bring to the world around them though.
Achieving true self love is dependent on the connection we have with ourselves, as well as the world around us. When you yield love to others in a compassionate way, you most certainly are worthy of loving yourself in good measure, i.e. feeling self love.
Self Love Flows Best When There’s A Healthy Self Connection
People need rapport with themselves, that self connection, for self love to exist.
Research done by a licensed clinical psychologist in unison with a team of psychologists and another mental health professional states:
Being self-connected requires one to be aware of the self, accept that self, and act in alignment with it.”
Kristine Klussman, Nicola Curtin, Julia Langer, Austin Lee Nichols
Factors which help build healthy self love:
Eliminate Negative Self Talk
Negative self talk makes it very difficult to have positive feelings. Which in turn makes it difficult to feel self love.
Eliminating negative self talk, and letting go of negative thoughts, makes it far easier to practice self love.
Stop comparing yourself to others, you are beyond comparison. While many people often say “Nobody’s perfect” the truth is that you are perfect as you are. The world is a very finely tuned organism, with incredible balance. Everyone playing a particular part so that everything works together. Unless you were you, things would be less efficient. Now, can you improve, and be a better version of yourself? Yes, through self improvement. Though never compare yourself to anyone else. You have a composition of talents that is unique to you, honor that in your daily life, learn to love that about yourself, and eliminate the negativity that held you back.
Practice Self Care As A Daily Habit
It is very easy for some people to put themselves last, and prioritize everyone else.
Take time for yourself in a healthy way, setting healthy boundaries with others so they understand, and know this is something you are doing for your overall mental well being. Setting boundaries is something very important to anyone who is introverted, otherwise basic needs for alone time tend to fall short leading to stress.
Healthy boundaries are important with partners in terms of knowing what each of you find acceptable behavior. When you need time for self care, especially if you need alone time, ensure it is discussed, and honored.
When you practice self care, do things that will make you happy, whether quiet meditation, playing a video game, or whatever. Just ensure you are within bounds of what your partner finds acceptable too.
Building Self Worth And Dealing With Mental Health Challenges
Mental health challenges, as with any negativity, greatly impact the ability to develop self love in any way.
This is one of the reasons that marriage agency clients and anyone seeking their ideal life partner are advised about how professional coaching to help move on from past relationships.
Dealing with mental health issues, especially depression, though also anxiety and low esteem, means that a person can view themselves as they really are, free from negative filters.
Everyone knows that building on quick sand, or swampy areas, will mean that whatever gets built is unlikely to last very long. Whenever someone is building a home, or anything else that they want to last long term, that they need to build on solid ground so the foundations hold properly.
When you develop self love the same rules apply, you must have healthy foundations. So dealing with mental health challenges is very important.
Maintaining Healthy Boundaries For Mental Well Being
Know what you and your partner both find acceptable, and unacceptable. Communicate these things clearly, never mind read, or assume your partner thinks the same, they may have other ideas. So ensure you are both on the same page of what’s acceptable.
Some people believe it is OK to see other people on the side, or have flings. You may assume your partner is completely loyal, though they may have other ideas. Communicate with them, ensure you are in agreement about behavior on everything that’s important to each of you.
Even things like TV time can be contentious.
If each of you has a particular show you wish to see, what take’s priority? Does a major sporting event take precedence over a weekly show, or a celebrity event like the Oscar’s?
Set boundaries for everything that could cause a problem. When you have agreement, and you know where you stand, it is a lot easier to manage your mental well being, thus a healthy degree of self love.
4 Ways To Practice Self Love And Increase Self Worth Healthily
There are four key techniques that I regularly teach to clients that help them recognize they are worthy of love. When you are taking care of yourself on a daily basis using these techniques, it becomes easier to recognize that you do matter, that your life does bring value, that you can release fear, and enjoy the happiness you deserve.
Mindfulness
Descended from Zen meditation, mindfulness brings any ability to let go, and detach from negativity with relative ease, once you become practiced. The focus being on observing thoughts, and releasing the emotional component that usually comes with them. With practice you realize what brings certain thoughts up, and thus can give yourself options for changing your way of thinking. All in a manner which is free from judgement. Essentially, when you know a thought process, or set of actions, is causing you pain or emotional discomfort, you can gain feedback on the causes very quickly, and then begin adjusting your mindset to something more empowered very quickly, should you wish to.
Vipassana Meditation
With Vipassana meditation your focus while meditating is on your own body, at least at first.
You being by scanning through your body, searching for points of dis-ease or discomfort, then flow deeper within. Finding route causes for that dis-ease, and flowing relaxing and calm the area so as to heal. Over time, with greater practice, you become able to focus down to the cellular level, or further. Thus getting to know your body very deeply, gaining deeper appreciation of it. You treat yourself better too, due to focusing on relaxation and healing, causing you to develop deeper self love too.
Self Love Meditation
This type of meditation can be a very good way to build self love.
Your focus is on your feelings, and what causes those feelings. As you flow through the meditative practice, you develop a deeper knowledge of yourself. This can bring challenging thoughts up at times, though this enables growth and healing on a psychological level. Over time bringing a great deal of joy to life, and all the things that matter to you, as you come to treat yourself better.
With greater practice, comes greater understanding of how worthy of love you truly are. Just focusing on loving yourself while meditating like this, leads to greater self love.
Gratitude Journaling
When you’re doing gratitude journaling, you focus on things you appreciate, and are thankful for. At first it can be challenging, requiring searching. As you develop a regular pattern of doing it, it brings a transition in self care with you coming to realize that there are good things in your life.
People who do this as a daily practice cite how it changes their life view, and how they come to appreciate their world in an ever greater way. With greater appreciation comes greater self love.
Literally, the more you are thankful of what is around you, and how things are, the more you come to love life, and by extension love yourself.
You can still work on improving things, though do so with greater ease as you know you are worthy of those improvements, which in turn brings them into being more easily. All thanks to loving yourself properly.
Practice Self Love On A Daily Basis
Be mindful of your mental health, getting professional help as needed. Get a self care regimen going, and stick to it so that positive emotions keep flowing to and through you. The more you do this, the more you will appreciate your own value, and realize that you are worth loving. From that moment forward, you will feel the energy of joy flow through your body, and be able to keep healthy respect for yourself flowing.