How to deal with being ghosted? The short version when it comes to professional coaching advice, is to let go and save yourself from the mental health issues that arise from descending into deeply unpleasant negative feelings.
Dealing with being ghosting behavior is a very emotive experience for most people. This is because most people go into a tailspin wondering what happened, and struggling to get closure from whatever partner, family member, or friend, ghosted them.
Being dropped without explanation generally results in a sense of unfinished business, bringing a lot of difficult feelings for most people, more than they can deal with healthily.
Self esteem usually takes a big hit.
Most people find themselves questioning what they did, along with what they could have done differently. While a certain degree of self reflection is healthy, there comes a point where a licensed clinical psychologist, therapist or professional coach will all agree that the time to let go has been surpassed. With action being needed to move on.
This how to guide, is here so that if you, or someone you know, has trouble from being ghosted, then that situation can be dealt with in a healthy way.
You Can Avoid Mental Health Issues And Empower Future Relationships If You Get Ghosted
What Getting Ghosted Means
Getting ghosted is when some removes all your contact details, unfriends you, removes connections from social media, and potentially changes their telephone number, email address, etc. without telling you and without explanation.
Differences Between Ghosting And The Silent Treatment
There are some very important differences between ghosting and ‘the silent treatment.’
Notably, when someone is enforcing the silence and withholding communication, they are still connected. They are likely upset, for whatever reason, needing time to process, let go, and move on from whatever happened.
When someone is enforcing silence, they are very likely to communicate with you again, the question essentially is when. Whereas with ghosting, they have already decided never to communicate again, and are essentially gone from your world.
When someone goes silent, there may be something you can do to influence things, a heartfelt apology, where suitable, often helps. Sending flowers or another suitable gift can also be good, it very much depends on the person and the situation, it needs careful judgement as the wrong thing could make the situation worse. With ghosting sending anything, including an apology will most likely fall on deaf ears, or just be returned without delivery being made. Even asking a mutual friend to help can be unwise, as they become entangled and make things worse.
When you get an enforced silence from someone, be patient, be kind, be forgiving, things will most likely come good.
When you get ghosted, it is time to move on.
Why Am I Being Ghosted?
This is a question that runs through almost everyone’s mind when it happens.
The answers are very varied, usually being very personal to each situation. That said, they do boil down to one thing on the most part, the loss of interest for whatever reason.
People Ghost Because They Have Lost Interest
This sounds harsh, it is however true. The sooner it is accepted, the better.
Granted, people lose interest for different reasons:
- Relationship differences are too great
- Clashes about lifestyle choices
- Vastly differing sets of values and beliefs
- They lost confidence in the relationship
- They lost confidence in themselves
- The met someone else
- They have been told by someone important to them to drop contact
These are just some of the common reasons for the person ghosting to drop contact, there are lots of variations which come back to these.
All of them result in the person losing interest. If they felt the relationship was worth fighting for, then they would do so. In certain cases, that person may well have fought for the relationship for a long period of time, then hit a point where they believed it was no longer worth it.
The reality is that the reason is of little importance.
What is most important is dealing with the situation, and coming through it free from mental health issues, so you can lead a happy life.
Why Do I Keep Getting Ghosted
When there is a pattern, if you keep getting ghosted, then it’s wise to consider how you, and your behavior, could be causing that to happen.
This is taken from the NLP model used in coaching, whereby you can either be at cause or effect for things.
By putting yourself at effect, i.e. it happened to you as a result of other people, then the solution is external, and therefore nothing you can do can influence the situation.
By putting yourself at cause, you are considering how your thoughts, behavior and actions caused the result. This is challenging for a lot of people, because few wish to ever think they created a problem for themselves. From over 20 years of professional coaching experience though, it has become all to apparent how when people do shift their perspective, and put themselves at cause, that answers suddenly start flooding through.
When there is a pattern, consistent things of the same nature, with life and relationships, it’s always worth putting yourself at cause, and considering things. Often the answers that seemed to be missing start coming through. This does need to be done from a perspective of neutrality though, i.e. free from judgement. Beating yourself up for things will only result in low self esteem and a reduction of cooperation with your unconscious mind in terms of finding answers and getting results.
Treat yourself with compassion, while also taking responsibility and putting yourself at cause. It will be worthwhile. Knowing how to move on from a relationship can help remove some underlying causes of being ghosted, equally well, getting coaching help to prepare for a serious relationship would also be beneficial, in part because it will get you in the best frame of mind to attract your ideal life partner. Use of dating apps and incidences of ghosting have high correlation.
How To Handle Being Ghosted
People ghost for different reasons, getting emotional, especially angry about it, will do little if anything to help you. In reality, getting angry will likely only harm you, and push whoever has ghosted you further away.
Granted, letting go of romantic partners can be challenging at the best of times.
There is a certain level of emotional attachment that builds up during dating, the long you date, the greater the attachment. When you like and see a future with your partner that is.
The contrast here is that if someone chooses to ghost you, then they see no real future with you. They lack compelling reason to be with you. While some come out with objections like “If they spent more time with me they would get to know me, and see how good I am.” The actuality is that the person ghosting knows well enough that they lack attraction for whatever reason, and would prefer to find someone they’re more compatible with.
For anyone planning on marriage, or a long term committed relationship, the goal should always be being with the right person. Being with a harmonious match, who loves and wishes to be with you, in equal measure to your feeling for them.
So, when people ghost you, let go, and move on.
It is the healthiest thing you can do.
What To Do After Being Ghosted
Once or twice is reasonable, if you are wanting to know why disappeared. Anything more is getting into obsessive territory and will do more harm than good in the vast majority of instances.
If there was mutual respect, then they would have shared reasoning for breaking contact in the first place.
Show yourself some respect, let go and move on.
When you are left feeling hurt, that is in many ways natural. When relationships end most people feel hurt on some level. Process those emotions, and spend time taking care of yourself. Meditation can be very good, especially mindfulness meditation, when processing emotions and letting go of things.
When things hit hard, it can be very helpful to get professional assistance with processing, working with a good coach, using techniques including neuro linguistic programming and Time-Line Therapy, old issues and limiting beliefs can be cleared out, along with the negative emotions. Helping you get in the right mindset to find and be with the right partner moving forward.
Differences In Terms Of Social And Personal Relationships
There are times when social and personal relationships are interwoven with a romantic interest, causing challenges for who will talk to whom.
Sometimes, a whole set of friends may disappear along with the person who did the ghosting.
Real friends will stick with you, being supportive, and caring. Those other connections that disappear you are likely better off without. Most people find it difficult to handle conflict in a healthy way, and in ghosting situations there is usually a high level of conflict due to the situation. Seeking answers, and insisting on getting them, will likely just do you harm. So, again, the best thing you can do, is let go and move on.
How To Deal With Ghosting So Future Relationships Are Healthy
Dealing with feelings, releasing limiting beliefs, and developing self love so that you can enjoy a healthy relationship, with a good partner, is very important.
There are various approaches, their suitability does differ depending on the situation you are in, and what you have experienced.
For some, in extreme circumstances, a licensed clinical psychologist, or licensed psychologist, would be good. For others, working with meditations, using a journal, and working on personal development would be wise things to do.
For most people, getting a good coach, who understands mindset, especially how to clean up your mindset, and help empower you to achieve the results you want in terms of life and relationships, is the best way forward.
Process Properly To Ensure Healthy Future Relationship Success
Avoidant attachment style commonly develops in children, though it can develop later, and has been stated to be exhibited by approximately 30% of people.
Implicit theories agree that feelings around neglect from partners are what lead to avoidant attachment style. These can be viewed as minor in nature, with repetition causing the development of the condition. Or, result from more dramatic, or traumatic, incidents that lead to rapid onset of it.
Real Life Effects Of Ghosting
A preliminary study among adults titled “psychological correlates of ghosting and breadcrumbing experiences” explored correlation of:
- Satisfaction with life
- Helplessness
- Loneliness
While the study found little correlation, as a coach I can definitely say that ghosting does have a serious mental and emotional impact on some, and processing what occurred in a healthy way is crucial for long term relationship success with a worthy partner.
Recovering Self Esteem
Healthy self esteem is critical for good relationships.
When people get hurt, their esteem tends to get affected, reducing and causing them to feel more negatively about themselves. So recovering esteem is important in terms of both self care and ability to have a successful relationship in the future.
Mindfulness and other types of meditation can be very beneficial for building esteem up again. Coaching and therapy are also hugely beneficial, more so in many ways due to the more active nature with which they work.
Digging deep into your mindset, releasing limiting beliefs, and replacing them with empowering ones, through very focused sessions of mindset coaching, is the best way forward for most people.
How To Deal With Someone Who Ghosted You
When a love interest just disappears, a lot of feelings can get stirred up.
That kind of rejection often has people feeling the person ghosting them has commitment issues, issues of self blame for the situation getting to the point where they disappear and refuse communication, and a whole load of other things.
Sometimes, it can be as simple as wishing to avoid a difficult conversation, which unfortunately leave the sense of unfinished business that has a person trawling through their mind for evidence of what caused the relationship to fail.
Essentially, ghosting behavior raises a lot of emotions and challenging thoughts.
The best way to process it is to just let it go.
If you absolutely feel the need, reach out to that person, once, twice at the maximum. If you hear nothing back, then let go and move on.
The stark reality, previously mentioned, is that if your ex ghosted you, then they are most definitely the wrong person for you. While their could be self worth and esteem issues blocking them from a healthy and harmonious relationship, you have zero guarantee that they will ever over come those issues, or that they would stay with you if they did.
When relationships lack harmony, and come to an end, it is better to find the right partner to be with, rather than necessarily the person you invested the most time and energy into being with.
How To Deal With Being Ghosted By A Friend
When being ghosted by a friend the advice is the same as above, if you reach out to them a couple of times, two max., and hear nothing back, then move on.
Whatever their reason for disappearing, you deserve to be around people who what to be around you too. People who treat you with mutual respect.
How To Confront A Ghoster
The short answer, do not.
Confronting a ghoster very, very, rarely ever goes well for anyone.
Usually it leaves a worse emotional state than existed previously, for both people. Confrontation and conflict rarely go well. For anyone.
Communication Skills And Calm Are Vital
If you do have an opportunity to ‘confront’ them, stay calm, be relaxed, avoid blame and conflict. Ask how they are, how they have been. Then maybe, in a very casual way, just ask “what happened?” Then give them time and room to answer. Never pressure them. If they choose to avoid answering, deal with it. They have zero obligation to give any answers or reasons.
If you want answers, you are going to have to build rapport with them, and be nice. Anything will likely just reinforce their though that they did the right thing.
Ghosting Family
Family relationships can be challenging at times. While ghosting is never a nice thing to do, there are times, such as when abuse is involved, that ghosting can be a good thing to do.
Ghosting Family Members
When you have an abusive family member, or more than one, then dropping contact, going silent on them, and potentially moving without explanation can be wise. When it is getting you out of an abusive situation that is harming your health, either physically or by causing psychological issues, then feel free to do it, your health is number one.
Being Ghosted By Family
Equally well, when you are ghosted by family, give them space.
The same rules apply as for other relationships, attempt contact at maximum twice, and if nothing comes back, let go and move on. Wish them well in your mind, and let go.
Maybe after a few years the reason will surface, maybe not.
They are entitled to live their life, and have their freedom. You have zero right to pressure them into telling you anything. You can do it, it will likely cause you more problems and stress though.
Ghosting Advice From A Professional Coach
When you have been on a few dates with someone from a dating app, and they slip into radio silence on you, practice some self care and let go. Such people are worth zero additional energy from you.
For longer standing relationships, romantic partners that you have built deep attachment to, it will take a certain amount of time, there will be a slow fade to the pain, hurt and other feelings.
Talking with a close friend can be good. Friends and family can both be very supportive, when you pick the right ones to talk to. One issue being their lack of impartiality, and often their desire to just placate, and ease your pain.
How To Deal With Being Ghosted By Yourself
Meditation, especially mindfulness meditation, journaling, Ho’o Pono Pono, art therapy, are all good things that can help process. Doing it by yourself can be challenging though due to the desire many have to blame others. If you’re going to process it properly, take responsibility for your part in things. Relationships are always 50/50 between two people. You part likely resides deep inside your unconscious mind, digging it out is the challenge.
How To Deal With Being Ghosted Most Effectively
Working with a good coach, therapists or licensed psychologist, is wise when you’re struggling with someone ghosting you. Often, it takes someone to have that difficult conversation so that things can clear, and letting go of feelings, limiting beliefs, and other psychological issues, can occur after relationship breakdown. Feelings can be challenging to process, unless you know how to truly work through them and clear them out.
Rejection is rarely taken positively, though in reality, when you get past the moment it happens, release the sense of conflict, fear and pain that arose because of it, you can come out the other end in better shape than you were before. In many cases it can be a wake up call to get on track and start living in the way you wish to be. Opportunity always comes from adversity, and overcoming being ghosted brings a great chance for personal growth, provided you do work through it properly.
Getting professional help is definitely the most effective way when it comes to how to deal with being ghosted.