A toxic relationship is good for neither partner. Nor are toxic relationships good where friends and family members are concerned. They create a lot of stress, which negatively impacts the mental health of everyone around.

The negative impact of toxic relationships often causes many to very wisely seek coaching help to move on from a relationship. The emotional abuse and limiting beliefs that arise from toxicity can often be scarring, needing to be carefully handled for anyone wanting a happy, loving relationship in the future.

For many, the first challenge is in understanding that they’re in a toxic relationship, or possibly even an abusive relationship, before any kind of action becomes possible. While some do have an understanding, others believe that their situation is normal, and that all relationships have problems.

Where narcissistic behavior is involved with a partner, the belief often develops that they’re getting what is right, and that their partner is the best person for them. Regardless of any pain and suffering they feel. Friends and family members telling them about the issue often gets responses along the lines of them ‘not understanding’ what they’re like, and how good they are. Understanding has to come from within, as does all motivation for change.

For many who become locked into toxic relationships, a significant factor is lack of understanding about what true love is, how truly loving relationships actually are for those involved, and what an ideal life partner is really like.

Once understanding has begun to dawn, and reality is settling in, options for moving forward become apparent, as does the motivation for leaving their toxic relationship behind.

Toxic Relationships Are Unhealthy For Everyone

What Is A Toxic Relationship?

Controlling Behaviors Are Warning Signs Of Toxic Behavior In Partners

A toxic relationship is a relationship where the overriding feeling is negative, even oppressive.

Essentially, those in toxic relationships often feel like nothing they ever do is right, and that it’s impossible to please their partner, even if they are trying desperately hard to do so.

What Is An Abusive Relationship?

Abusive relationships are a step or more beyond simply toxic. In abusive relationships, partners receive harm on various levels, including verbal, emotional and physical.

Commonly, people associate abusive relationships as being physically violent, though relationships with constant belittling, verbal and emotional violence also are abusive ones too.

What Makes A Relationship Toxic?

Being In A Relationship With A Toxic Person Brings Unnecessary Pain

Anything that results in one partner feeling sad or hurt, among other things, can result in a toxic relationship. Often, toxicity can result from behavior where people just do not know any better, where they have poor communication skills, issues with trust, even low self esteem themselves.

When you feel hurt, or like you’re walking on eggshells, on a regular basis, then your relationship has sadly turned toxic in nature.

When things transition into a more aggressive state, toxic relationships change into abusive relationships. Though remember not every toxic relationship is abusive.

Physical Violence And Verbal Abuse

Among the most toxic behaviors in unhealthy relationships are physical violence and abuse on a verbal level.

While for most understanding the damaging nature of violence on a physical level is easy, harm to physical health being abhorrent, the truly damaging of abuse when it’s verbal is less well understood by most.

When people keep getting hit, they breakdown, and become non-responsive after a while to the kicks, punches, and other damage being inflicted.

When negativity is inflicted verbally on a regular, or constant basis, it breaks down a persons psyche, or mindset, resulting in perpetuating negative beliefs about themselves and the world around them. As a result, the damage can be wider and deeper. A rather controversial statement to make, yet true.

While both things inflict stress on the person being abused, most will shrug off bruises and breaks, often growing tougher internally as a result. Whereas when the stress inflicted is mental and emotional, healing it becomes a lot more challenging, often needing skilled clinical psychology or very specialist coaching to deal with.

When A Toxic Relationship Turns Violent You Need To Leave

When someone is receiving any type of abuse, especially on these levels, they should leave their partner and never look back. Getting therapy or coaching to help them overcome the effects of the controlling behaviors and abuse, and helping them get on track with leading a happy life.

Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

Toxic Relationships Have Strong Negative Impact On Mental Health

There are various signs for toxic relationships, going from unintentional to intentional, and from mild to severe in terms of effects in the short and long term. Note well, even mildly toxic behavior can lead to extremely unpleasant effects over time due to the cumulative effect had, especially on mindset and self esteem.

While most people on the receiving end of shock treatment will challenge it and likely leave, when faced with initially mild uncaring behavior, that becomes more repetitive and stronger over time, they will tend to to their best to endure. It is wise to reflect on ‘all the little things’ from time to time, they can be yielding a bigger effect than is often thought.

Toxic Traits In Abusive Relationships

Neglect

Neglect may seem mild, it is however extremely damaging to relationships and your mindset over time.

When you begin believing that your partner no longer cares about you, and that you are a low priority for them, in many ways the relationship is over. Unless they comes to a realization, and agree to change, then actually follow through with that change so that you become each other’s top priority again.

When in the dating phase, most faced with neglect will just walk away, potentially even ghosting their partner due to the lack of respect they have developed for them.

When partners are married, neglect can become a very different problem. While neglect is a very definite contributing factor to divorce rates in many countries, many will stick with their partner ‘for the kids’ or out of desire for financial stability.

The #1 Cause Of Divorce

In a clinical study, “lack of commitment” came out as the number one cause of divorce in the U.S., with 75% of individuals across the sample group citing it, and within all couples involved it was mentioned by at least one person in 94.4% of those couples. With most respondents in the study use language along the lines of feeling their partner had lost interest in them, i.e. was neglecting them and their partnership.

Neglect erodes confidence, trust and faith in partners over time. While it can be overcome, it takes longer to build that faith and trust back up, than it ever did to lose it.

Toxic Communication

There are many different forms of toxic communication. From obvious things like passive aggressive language patterns, use of negative ‘nicknames’, swearing, and things like talking down to partners, through to things like ‘the silent treatment’ which block communication entirely.

When couples stop communicating it is very difficult to generate positive feeling, and growth in together.

Toxicity with communication erodes love away, causing those involved to shrink away, potentially seeking solace elsewhere, which is never healthy either.

Standing up for yourself can be wise. Unless you do, the treatment will likely persist, getting worse over time.

Learning To Communicate Effectively Helps

When challenging any partner on communication issues what is helpful is framing things in a positive manner, and giving a route to progress. For example; “I do love you, and I want this to work, what would be really helpful is if we stopped using negative tones and accusations, and talked lovingly to each other. It would really help us to build a more rewarding relationship together.”

One thing worth noting, is that avoiding use of ‘you’ can be very beneficial, it can have people feel under attack, which just perpetuates negativity through defensiveness. Phrasing things and actions as ‘we’ and ‘together’ can help bring harmony back, and that things can improve. Neuro linguistic programming can be very beneficial with all of this.

Of course, when one partner refuses to change, and placed all responsibility on you, then finding a partner who will truly love you, and treat you lovingly, would likely be wise.

Excessive Jealousy

Jealousy is essentially insecurity.

Insecurity often stems from a lack of self love and self esteem, even if that person comes across as confident, what lies beneath can be very different.

Jealousy, and constant suspicion, as with other behaviors, undermines both partners. The person who is receiving it, when they are being devoted to their partner, eventually gets worn down with repeated questioning and accusations. Coming to a point where they wonder why they are with their partner.

The partner who is feeling, and directing, that jealousy, erodes their own ability to be happy in a relationship, as regardless of what is said, they never feel secure. Which is what jealousy is largely about, feeling secure.

When people do truly love each other, they trust and have faith in each other, while feeling at ease regardless of who each is spending time with.

Jealousy From Neglect

A slightly different situation with jealousy is when it comes as a result of neglect. With one partner spending far more time with others than their chosen partner, essentially placing them as a low priority. In time this again will cause couples to drift apart and separate, unless they actively do something to resolve the situation.

Communication is key to overcoming jealousy, with both partners needing to listen properly to each other, and act within bounds of respectfulness, while also keeping healthy relationship boundaries in terms of behavior shifts. It would be wholly unfair to insist on someone never seeing their friends, which is essentially controlling behavior. However, requesting they dial it back a bit, and spend more time with you, would be OK.

Controlling Behavior

When one partner is dictating what the other can, and cannot, do, they are being controlling.

This is one point where toxic behavior starts blurring into abuse.

In a true love relationship, while having healthy boundaries is important, couples give each other freedom to be themselves, loving each other for who they really are, rather than wanting them to be something else.

When partners are creating rules about who you spend time with, when you are allowed to do things, and what you’re not allowed to do, it is getting controlling.

Granted, in the context of boundaries, never having intimate relationships with others is a healthy boundary, and generally something both partners can agree is good and wise.

Behavior Of A Toxic Person That’s Controlling

When you are being told that you cannot spend time with a certain friend, as your partner does not trust them, that is something else. On that point, when a partner says they do not trust someone else you spend time with, what they are actually saying is that they do not trust you to be loyal and devoted to them.

Controlling behavior crosses into other things too, being told what to wear, what to watch, when to eat and drink, and basically anything to do with how you live.

When you partner is becoming controlling, talk with them. Communicate, do your best to build understanding between you, and develop harmony.

When partners show zero desire to backdown, or do things differently, then you would be best off finding a better match, with whom you are truly compatible.

Emotional Blackmail

Guilt tripping and emotional blackmail are both very toxic behavior.

Using emotional energy, and manipulating a person’s own feelings against them, essentially weaponizing emotions and degrading emotional well being, is in addition to being toxic, highly abusive.

This type of action is often observed in family settings, with parents and children using it against another family member in order to gain an upper hand, and achieve a set objective. It can often spread from there into romantic relationships when people witness it on a regular basis.

While at first, partners may seem forgiving, and bow to emotional pressure, there comes a time when it is wizened to, and serious relationship issues arise because of it. Any time you feel this type of pressure is being wielded, especially if you hear the words “If you loved me you would…” Then it is time at the very least to have a solid discussion about that behavior, or, depending on other factors i.e. other behaviors, it could well be time to leave.

When someone is abusive, they rarely change. Especially when they are narcissistic, or have narcissistic tendencies. As such, putting as much distance between yourself and abusers, on the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels, is wise. Never stay in an abusive or toxic relationship because you feel there is no alternative, or that it’s the best you can do. You can do better, and you do deserve better.

Learn to love yourself, sort out your self esteem, and transcend issues of being blackmailed emotionally.

Verbal Abuse

Abusing someone verbally, especially on a repeat basis, is vey manipulative behavior.

In the armed forces it is used to break people down, and bring about a state of mind where they just obey commands, bringing recruits into line with a system that has to function in a certain way. It is also done to toughen people up while they train for what may come. Though while they are broken down verbally, they are also built up in other ways, especially physically and mentally.

When someone in a relationship is regularly being abusive verbally, they are only doing it to break their partner down and force compliance with their way of thinking.

Abuse in relationships often starts out verbally, then transitions into other bad behavior as time goes on.

As such, when it starts you need to stand up for yourself immediately. Challenge the behavior, and never accept it. Provided there is adequate apology, and things change, then it may be worth staying together, and building a good healthy relationship. If such behavior resurfaces, deal with it, and if it becomes repetitive, leave.

Domestic Violence

Intimate partner violence is often seen as the worst of any possible bad behavior towards partners.

When violence of a physical nature, being hit, kicked, or otherwise physically harmed, is involved the first thing to do is safely leave.

Never be concerned about being on your own, or lack of support, for both women and men who receive such abuse, in most countries, there is a good support network available. While many may feel embarrassed to contact friends or a family member, there are many government and independent organizations that can and are ready to help, see below for various resources that can help. Accept that help when you need it.

If you want, you can find a safe place, potentially with mediation, if you really do want to try and sort things out later. Your prime concern should always be your physical safety, and that of any children involved too.

When behavior is persistent, it is best to end that relationship, seek good individual therapy to help you process and gain the emotional support that will have you move on successfully.

What To Do If You’re Receiving Physical Abuse

The first thing you should do is leave.

If leaving immediately is not an option, then certainly calling one of the following as your first priority depending on your location:

Calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline, or your geographical equivalent of it, can bring options for various support options, and result in making leaving easier. Your first priority whenever any kind of violence is involved is to get to safety.

Depending on the situation, it may then be worth connecting with a domestic violence advocate, and getting legal assistance, as well being support from them. They can be a vital link to building a healthier life free from domestic violence.

Dating Narcissistic Partners

Dating narcissistic partners is usually more painful than it is rewarding, for you, as well as your friends and family, even for your co-workers in many situations as they also have to deal with the fallout.

Talk to a relationship therapist or relationship coaching professional, and they will advise that it will be almost impossible as those with narcissistic behavior always believe they’re in the right, and that everyone else is wrong. The behavior blurs into gaslighting on a regular basis as a result, and can become very traumatic over time.

What Is Narcissism?

Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, a need for excessive admiration, and the belief that one is unique and deserving of special treatment.

What’s The Relationship Between Narcissism And Toxic Or Abusive Behavior?

In that narcissists always believe that they’re right, and you are wrong, even if you have hard evidence to the contrary, things are never going to be easy.

Behavior usually starts out as talking down to others, blurring into gaslighting, then venturing into verbal abuse, emotional violence, and even physical violence, unless they are acknowledged as right and get what they want.

What To Do If You Are Dating A Narcissist

Most narcissists believe that everyone else is the problem, and as such most never feel any need to change, let alone have any desire to change.

The best thing you can do if you’re dating a narcissist, and feeling the toxicity of their behavior have a negative impact on your well being, is to break things off and leave. It might be difficult, they likely will take it badly due to how they view themselves. You will be happier and healthier after you have left and processed it out of your system though. Getting help from a good therapist or coach can be extremely beneficial in letting go of the emotional trauma, letting go of the limiting beliefs formed, and putting the past behind you.

Why Do Romantic Relationships Turn Toxic?

Setting Boundaries Helps Keep Relationships On The Right Track

While you may have been searching for the love of your life, you may well have found someone who at first seems great, who draws you in romantically, only to then reveal their true colors later as the relationship becomes more serious. Something which is common for many who discover late on that they have a narcissistic partner.

Often someone will have a view of their ideal partner, find someone who is a close match, and ‘needs a little reshaping and polishing.’ Over time, when their partner comes across as increasingly reluctant to change, or just reinforces that they like how they are, then the person wishing to do the reshaping and polishing can become toxic and abusive, with increasingly manipulative behaviors being used.

Turning Into A Toxic Person Over Time

It can also be that two people were highly compatible when they first met, and over time they grew apart. As such, they fall into neglect, and toxic behavior comes out.

Relationships turn toxic when both partners stop taking responsibility for the state of their relationship. If it all rests on one person’s shoulders, it will begin to fall apart. When both people let go of their responsibility, then it completely falls apart.

Relationships that have turned toxic can be salvaged, with a great deal of work. Often getting couples or relationship coaching, or going to a relationship therapist together, can be a good start. Equally well, getting help from a good life or mindset coach, and sorting your own mindset out, releasing off negative emotions and limiting beliefs from within you, can have a major impact too.

Fulfilling relationships require constant work in order to stay fulfilling. It requires self awareness to note the subtle ways things have changed over time on one or both sides, plus commitment to recover and get things back on track.

How To Transition From Toxic Relationships To Healthy Relationships

Root Causes Of A Toxic Relationship Can Be Removed Through Coaching

There are a few things involved in transitioning between healthy and unhealthy relationships, with the relevance depending on the situation and circumstances.

When partners have strayed from the path of true love, and into neglect, past mistakes can come to be forgiven, and the relationship be healed and rejuvenated with help from relationship coaches or relationship therapists. It requires very clear communication, plus a lot of compassion and forgiveness on the part of both people involved.

When truly toxic people are involved as partners, then separating and getting professional help through therapy or coaching is the best course of action.

There is often significant value to be gained from personal development, which can be done solo, with your partner, plus with or without coaches and therapists.

Learning To Value You Yourself And Building Healthy Self Esteem

Healthy and unhealthy relationships both relate very closely to how a person values themselves, i.e. their self worth, self love and esteem.

When someone has low esteem, or finds it difficult to love themselves, they struggle to achieve or get into a healthy relationship. Even relationships that start off healthy can fall apart in dramatic fashion as a result of how they view themselves.

By contrast, when someone has a healthy level of self love, and esteem, they naturally fall into harmony with a good relationship, and the right life partner.

Also, when someone loves themselves too much, and expects the world to treat them in a way which is highly entitled and excessive, they will have challenges as reality interfaces with their expectations.

It is wise to learn how to practice self love and achieve healthy self esteem, and have a good self care routine, these things will have you well calibrated for attracting and maintaining a healthy relationship.

How Personal Development And Coaching Help Bring Healthier Relationships

Personal development, coaching and therapy go deeper than just self love and esteem.

Most people, unless they have been through special courses and then take the appropriate action, have various limiting beliefs, along with issues around values, which lead to challenges in life and relationship issues.

When limiting beliefs are released, and replaced with empowering beliefs on an unconscious level, along with addressing values issues, then harmony can flow. Plus, dreams can be achieved with relative ease too.

Those who end up in a toxic relationship do so in part because they have attracted it to themselves, on an unconscious level. There are various beliefs and issues with values, gained from experience and learning, which have resulted in certain behaviors coming out. Which then brought about that toxic relationship. By working with good coaches and therapists on mindset and past experiences, those beliefs, values and that history, can be cleaned and healed. Thus removing root causes that bring about toxic relationships, helping you establish healthy behavior, prepare for a healthy relationship and establish a good dating mindset.

Is It Worth Getting Professional Help To Find A Good Marriage Partner?

It Is Possible To Find True Love After Being In A Toxic Relationship

Yes, it can be. For some people seeking a healthy romantic relationship, having an introduction service that helps them meet potential partners who have been through various background checks, and been screened, can be very worthwhile in terms of choosing the right life partner.

Even if you have been in a toxic relationship, or are in one currently, you can still find true love. Having professional help to help you get out of a toxic relationship, then let go and clean up your mindset afterwards, will clear the foundation from which good professional matchmakers, or a dependable marriage agency, can help you find true love via a well managed introduction service.

There is definitely the opportunity for a good life, and love in a new relationship, after a toxic relationship.

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