Knowing whether to get married or not is the biggest dilemma most people face in life. plus the most impactful, certainly in terms of happiness and well being for both the short and long term.
For most people, it’s hard enough to know whether they’ve found their perfect life partner, and are heading in the same direction in life, thus feeling confident of staying together long term. There are 10 core marriage partner checkpoints when finding a life partner, getting them properly matched with your potential spouse is vital, regret can come later all too easily.
You need to be incredibly confident of being with the right partner before deciding about marriage, a healthy level of self love is vital to that.
There are a few things worth considering when it comes to thinking about marriage, and some thoughts worth working through so you can make the right decision.
From experience gained through years of running a marriage agency, when people know, they know relatively quickly. If you’ve been dating for more than 6 months, and are unsure, then likely you and your partner aren’t right for each other. Most couples who form healthy loving marriages, know within 3 – 6 months of meeting that they’re right for each other.
Should I Be Getting Married? Is Getting Married Worth It?
Should You Get Married?
When you’re planning on getting married, you truly love your partner, and wish to be with them for life, then yes, getting married is a good thing to do.
True love is the only reason you should ever get married.
When you’re getting married for any other reason than true love and devotion, then you should break off and find the right partner for marriage.
Dating Marriage Key Differences
The biggest difference between dating and marriage is commitment.
When dating it’s relatively easy to breakup if something happens, plus move on from a breakup. When you marry, breaking up requires divorce, which is usually unpleasant and filled with conflict, even when both people agree on it.
Within marriage you have more responsibility towards each other, legally and morally, in almost every country. While some countries differ in their views about marriage, there are certain core ethics that are common across most countries.
As such a very high degree of trust is needed between partners, and their intent to actually do right by each other. Some of this is covered in the section on getting married for the wrong reasons.
Dating To Marry
When you’re dating to marry, it’s worth treating it as though you’re married. Essentially doing a dry run, so you can ensure that each of you will look after the other properly.
Granted, people do change. Things happen in life, people react differently to expectation, decisions come that can delight or surprise. It’s something you can rarely account, or prepare for. The best you can ever do is go on your instinct about someone, and never talk yourself out of concerns, they’ve likely come up for good reason, even if you don’t understand what they are or why you have them.
So when you think things are heading for marriage, treat it like you are, and see how it feels.
Wrong Reasons To Get Married
There are many reasons not to get married, you should always be certain of your motivations for wanting to marry someone, and only actually get married when it’s definitely right for both of you.
Getting Married For The Wrong Reasons
Some of the wrong reasons for marriage:
Note that getting married for money or wealth can happen on both sides, someone seeking it because their partner has it, or seeking a partner in order to gain an inheritance. Both of these things most often result in very negative consequences.
Marrying For The Wrong Reasons The Consequences
The biggest consequence of marrying for the wrong reasons is usually divorce, though worse things can happen.
When things fall apart with marriage, divorce requires agreement of both people, or potentially a court order, for that marriage to be dissolved. Something which can often be traumatic, or painful at the very least. Requiring a lot of therapy or coaching to move on from a failed relationship.
Consequences Of Getting Married For Money And Wealth
When people marry just for money or wealth, that can disappear, very quickly some times. Leaving two people locked together who have little or no love for each other. It can also be that restrictions become apparent which were unforeseen, thus blocking that reason for marriage. Again, leaving bitterness and causing much negativity between partners.
Often this type of motivation for marriage results in both partners becoming less well off than they were when they met, to the point of bankruptcy.
Consequences Of Getting Married For A Visa Or Citizenship
In the case of a visa or citizenship, people can suddenly find themselves under legal scrutiny, potentially being forced to leave a country, their visa revoked. Thus having to make an international move, with little to no notice, and without any resources. Thus leaving them in deep trouble, in addition to the hurt that comes.
Immigration practices are constantly changing, though a dim view is taken of getting married so you can stay in a country. Hence why most marriage visas have very strict requirements, and a large burden of proof of relationship being needed before they are granted.
Consequences Of Getting Married So Someone Will Care For You
If this is the only reason you wish to marry, then you should be prepared to be alone and looking after yourself again after a relatively short period of time.
The vast majority of people seeking marriage want to enrich their experience of life with greater happiness. They’re seeking a partner who’ll be an equal, looking after them as much as they look after their partner. It goes both ways.
When marriages become one sided, with one partner doing the majority of the work, feelings of neglect slip in, resulting in separation. Granted, there are times when post marriage, or in the midst of a deeply committed relationship, things change. Someone can suddenly fall into very ill health, lose their job, or become involved in some life changing event that changes everything. At those times, standing by your partner is good, it’s the loving, honorable thing to do.
When you’re seeking a husband or wife just because you want someone to take care of you, then re-examining your motivations and priorities is wise. It would likely be worth getting coaching to help prepare for a relationship, so that you can find and enjoy a truly healthy relationship.
Consequences Of Getting Married For Respectability
When people get married to become more respectable, the converse often happens.
Marriages of convenience usually backfire, due to the absence of love, with nothing of substance holding things together. Over time this becomes increasingly apparent to those around the couple, and any measure of respect gained from getting married disappears.
It’s the kind of thing that runs through various tabloids and celebrity gossip pages, leading to people losing careers plus various other things.
Another issue often arising when people get married for respectability is that partners often stray as they’ve nothing binding them together emotionally. That absence of love causes them to flow to others they feel more attraction to, potential love partners. Triggering even greater loss of respectability when discovered.
Consequences Of Getting Married Due To Pressure From Family Or Friends
This merges with issues around respectability. When family or friends are applying pressure, and couples buckle, it often ends up with that couple eventually splitting up due to the lack of emotional connection between them.
From experience gained working with a lot of couples over a long period of time, couples who truly love each other, and form genuinely successful relationships, know within a very short period of time that they’re right for marriage.
In most cases, truly compatible couples know within 3 – 6 months that they are right for marriage.
When couples get pushed into getting married, it is usually because they know they aren’t really right for each other, even if they enjoy certain things about their relationship.
Consequences Of Getting Married To Fix Issues With Your Relationship
Marriage never fixes toxic relationship problems, it amplifies them.
While there will be a ‘honeymoon’ phase, especially if you have a celebration with family and friends, and then actually go on a honeymoon, reality does come back eventually. Often, when reality comes back so does a realization that you’re more locked into something than before. Increasing tension, stress, and causing greater problems.
The only way to really fix a relationship is to get relationship coaching, and work on personal development, especially how to practice self love, develop your own mindset to release negativity and limiting beliefs on an unconscious level, enhancing yourself to the best version of you possible.
Relationship issues result from the two people in the relationship, from how their mindsets interact. Mindsets change over time, and people have different mindsets for different things. While there are keys points for a healthy dating mindset, when people transition into long term relationships, their values and beliefs can change, creating different mindsets. Thus causing personality change, which can be either positive or negative for the couple.
What can start out as a good match, can become a poor match due to life changes. Marriage never fixes relationship issues, only therapy, coaching and personal development fix things.
Consequences Of Getting Married Because You Have Been Together For A Long Time
As with respectability, marriage due to pressure from family or friends, or anything other than genuine true love, getting married because you have been together for a long time rarely brings positive results.
Often, what’s held people back from getting married for a long period of time, is knowing that they’re less than right for each other.
Finding your perfect life partner can be challenging, unless your mindset is right from the start.
When one partner is pressuring the other to get married, or the conversation runs into doing it because it’s been so long, consider carefully why you’re actually together.
When couples stay together, even though they’re less than perfect together, then they’re blocking each other from finding true love and happiness. Of course, there are times when working through things together can make relationships stronger, forging deeper love. Usually when couples have been together for a long time, and not gotten married, there’s something fundamentally wrong with their relationship. Something marriage will never fix, instead likely amplify and make worse.
Again, most couples that experience true love, then form a successful marriage, know within 3 – 6 months of dating that they’re right for each other, and for the long haul. Even in a long distance relationship.
Why Getting Married Is A Bad Idea For Some People
The people that marriage is a bad idea for, are those that struggle with commitment, and fidelity.
In reality, commitment and fidelity are functions of compatibility.
When partners are truly right for each other, when true love exists between partners, then marriage is a good thing. Marriage is highly inadvisable when partners lack true love, and the compatibility that comes with it.
Is It Worth It To Get Married?
Provided you have mutual respect, true love exists between you, plus you have shared values and beliefs, plus you communicate well with each other, then yes, marriage is very much worth it.
Why Is Being Married Worth It?
Being married brings a lot of benefits, especially when you plan on raising children and building a healthy family environment.
Marital status also brings various benefits in terms of opportunities in many countries. With some opportunities only being open to those who are married, often including tax breaks for example. Though tax breaks are never reason enough for marriage, they’re just a benefit or reward for having found true love then committing to each other formally.
Common Reasons For Getting Married
Marriage tends to help create a financially stable environment. There’s a definite element of teamwork to marriage, more so than other relationships. Marriage focuses the mind, in ethical people who genuinely care for each other. It’s relatively easy to take financial risks when you’re single, chasing big returns, in marriage people become more accountable to each other, and a level of responsibility matures with that.
There are also greater legal rights that come after marriage. These do vary greatly by country, with some countries enforcing greater responsibility legally than others. On the whole though, the huge step up in commitment level does bring legal protections for the relationship.
Easier Achievement Of Long Term Goals
When choosing a life partner, having shared values, shared beliefs, and common goals are some of the core things that are wise to consider. So when you marry, it should definitely be with someone you have a shared vision of life with.
This being the case, achieving long term goals becomes much easier, as you’re there to support and help each other. Teamwork makes most things easier. Marriage brings teamwork to its highest level.
When you have this type of relationship, you can easily achieve the way of living that you both desire. thus bringing the benefit of marriage, and living to the greatest level possible.
Security In Your Sense Of Love
One of the top, and most common reasons for marriage, is that sense of security it brings couples.
Marriage is a huge commitment, a lifelong one.
The rate of married Americans getting divorced has been in decline since a peak of 22.6 divorces per 1,000 married women in 1979, to 14.56 divorces per 1,000 married women in 2022.
So while getting divorced is still a thing, the core intent most have when marriage, is solidifying their love for each other. The issue of divorcing later is one about finding your true love in the first place, and having certainty about it. Too many people lack certainty, and yet still marry hoping it’ll improve.
Focus on finding true love, knowing it’s 100% right, and your love will be set in stone for life.
Should We Get Married?
For a healthy marriage, there must be an incredibly high level of compatibility between partners. Hence why the how to choose a life partner 10 core marriage partner checkpoints guide is the length it is, there’s massive depth to what’s required for long term happiness with married adults.
Get things wrong, think an unhappy situation will resolve over time, and you’ll find that unhealthy relationships are far from history.
You must be on the same page on more than 99% of things for happiness and harmony to be possible. Even then, you need to communicate and work together as a couple in order to have a successful relationship.
When you marry, your lives get bound together. Yes, you can leave, nullify that marriage, that will most likely be painful, expensive, and leave you in need of therapy or coaching to resolve the mess.
You should only ever get married when you’re certain that you both want to spend your future together, and that you will do so harmoniously. You must know that marriage is 100% right for you, as a couple.
When I Get Married How Will I Know It’s Right?
When you’ve found the love of your life, marriage becomes right.
Relationships can be challenging, even during good times. You have to communicate effectively, and with ease, for harmonious marriage.
This again comes back to getting things right when you are searching for your perfect spouse.
You have to do more than just feel safe together, you must thrive together, regardless of what society, religion, parents, other family members and friends say.
You’ll face adversity together. As a couple you must each know that whatever the world throws at you, you have each other’s complete support. Both marriage partners must be in full support of each other, totally unified, in order for trust, faith, and love to keep stable over the years.
If you’ve any doubt, regardless of magnitude, take time for consideration about your significant other before committing deeper. Be honest with yourself and others, never be afraid to voice concerns or thoughts, or any need to save face. Be truthful with all, so that everyone can be happy.
When you know, 100%, that you have shared core values, beliefs, that you 100% want the same things together, plus that your potential spouse is your true love, then you are right for this significant long term commitment to each other.
I Desire Marriage But Haven’t Found My Ideal Partner
When you want to get married, though have yet to find the right spouse, getting professional help is likely your best way forward.
Getting your own mindset sorted out, preparing for the right relationship with help from a good coach or therapist, and going through self improvement, is well worth it. There are lots of limiting beliefs and values issues that can cause challenges within your unconscious mind in terms of finding your perfect life partner.
Providing things are going well for you, then getting help from professional matchmakers, and working with a good marriage agency, using a quality introductions service that helps you find the right partner for marriage, will help you meet the right person to marry.
Once you do meet the right partner, you should know very quickly, within 3 – 6 months, that marriage has become right.