Dating long distance can work, ask a good international matchmaker and they will confirm it. that said, long distance relationships do come with challenges for many people. Once you understand the simple foundations that make surviving lack of physical contact work, then you can survive a long distance relationship relatively easily.
Being apart from a partner is a massive challenge for most people. Being able to get a hug when it’s needed, hold hands while walking, and generally just spending time together, watching a movie or whatever, is how most healthy relationships get built.
Relationships are founded on good communication, it’s one of the top three points for consideration when choosing a life partner.
Without good communication, relationships fall apart, even when close by or living together. Yet for most people, that lack of physical contact becomes almost nightmarish at times.
So understanding how to keep strength together, while you are in a long distance relationship, is vital if you wish to stay together long term, and enjoy a good healthy relationship. Once you know, it is relatively easy to keep things working well.
Making A Long Distance Relationship Work Requires Commitment From Both Partners
Common Challenges For Long Distance Relationships
The four most common challenges people experience with a long distance relationship are:
- Poor communication
- Physical frustration
- Lack of a long term plan
There are a lot of things that can come up, and with an incredibly diversity of personality types, plus previous life experiences including observations of how parents, other family members and friends have dealt with long distance relationships. As such, there are a great many other things that can come up, most of which boil down to the things in the above list.
Poor communication, insufficient or too much communication both being included, and insecurity, are the two core issues for most people. Long term plans can reasonably be included within communication, though has been separated to highlight it as few people cover it off properly, unless prompted to do so.
How To Build Good Communication For Relationship Success
Good communication is the backbone for every successful relationship.
To maintain a healthy relationship you need to communicate regularly. Couples have to avoid excessive communication, and find a balance. While one partner may want more, it may be hitting a point of being too much for the other.
Regular Messaging Helps Maintain Rapport
Messaging to say “good morning” can be good. It helps your partner know that you are a priority, and they are very much in your mind. Equally well, messaging good night is wise, letting them know they’re the last thing on your mind as you go to sleep.
Quick phone calls at these times can be nice, depending on time zone differences, and each person’s work schedule.
Balance must be found.
When one partner is working long hours, phone calls can start to feel challenging, even though both partners wish to feel connected. While being in good communication is vital, having excessive fatigue and stress can adversely affect relationships in a big way. Balancing these things is truly crucial, and communicating freely, without judgement, so that balance can be achieved is extremely important.
Schedule A Regular Video Call And Keep To It
One of the top long distance relationship tips for keeping relationships working well, is scheduling a regular video call, and ensuring that you stick to it.
Video dating is core to making a long distance relationship work.
One key point on this, is that it is good to put in as much effort as you would for any regular, in person date. It does require a little rethinking in terms of what would be good to do though. You can still enjoy a glass of something nice together, the core for consideration is your environment.
Making sure you have good lighting, and are setting a pleasant ambience really help set the tone for your video date.
Most people are used to doing a video call for different things now, especially work, or keeping in contact with friends and family from far away. Video dating is different though. As with all dating experiences, something more is needed so that partners feel connected, and special. When you have a lack of physical contact, a sense of value has to be established in other ways in order to bring rapport while also growing and maintaining feelings of love.
The primary cause of a toxic relationship is neglect, so putting the extra effort in when apart is important. Neglect can also lead to insecurity. So get your communication right, both level and quality.
It is worth checking the guide to successful video dating for deeper tips.
Communicating More Effectively
Around 7% of how people communicate face to face, including video, is the actual words used.
55% is down to physiology, body language, and the remaining 38% is tone of voice.
Just think of the various ways people say “yes” to each other, how their tone of voice and physiology causes different meaning to come with a word that has a very simple meaning.
Being present, focusing on your partner properly, 100%, when you communicate is essential to long distance relationship success. So do things which empower your ability to communicate with each other. Gently remind yourself when you are on video calls, or voice calls, to connect properly, being fully in those conversations, in the moment. Techniques from neuro linguistic programming can improve communication between partners and can be well worth learning, especially when difficult topics come up for discussion.
Overcoming Insecurity And Self Esteem In Long Distance Relationships
One of the biggest challenges facing any long distance partner is insecurity.
When partners are away from each other, the mind can become overactive with what each other are doing. Especially when low self esteem is involved.
Insecurity often causes a difficult situation to arise in a long distance relationship, purely due to fear.
Creating the sense of security is vital for any long distance relationship to be successful. Though while partners often make it the other person’s responsibility, especially if they have issues with trust or low self esteem, it is actually each partner’s responsibility to create that feeling of security within themselves. Essentially this means doing things to overcome limiting beliefs and issues within their own mindset, that are causing them to have feelings of insecurity.
To Make Any Long Distance Relationship Work Trust And Faith Is Vital
Granted, partners need to establish, and then maintain trust with each other. Doing things like setting call times, arranging video dates, messaging to say good morning and good night, all help. What happens within the mind outside of those times is very much the responsibility of the person having those thoughts.
Excessive messaging or calling will cause a lot of stress and upset. It will also erode trust between partners, thus damaging the relationship.
So dealing with mindset issues is wise.
Mindset And Dealing With Root Causes Of Insecurity And Low Self Esteem
Sustaining a healthy emotional connection with someone requires a healthy mindset. So for long distance couples, having a healthy mindset is essential.
Many long distance relationships, as well as ones with both partners in the same city, fall apart due to insecurity, which is unfortunate, as it is relatively easy to deal with.
Insecurity largely revolves around low self esteem. Of course, when a partner has an established track record of having other partners, and affairs, that is something else. When partners have a track record of cheating, then breaking up and finding a faithful life partner is wise. Even then, it is wise to deal with self esteem issues, and let go of the past before moving forward.
Low self esteem is a mindset issue, pure and simple.
Insecurity is also far more likely to cause negative outcomes then it is to protect the person involved. Insecurity usually leads people to have increasingly stressful interactions with those around them, especially their significant other.
Even when people stay connected on a regular basis, insecurity can arise.
Insecurity Is A Matter For The Person Feeling It To Deal With
It is up to the person feeling it, to do something about it.
So when you feel yourself becoming insecure, work out where that is coming from, the deep root cause that is. For most people, this goes back to childhood, or previous experiences. Hence why coaching helps people prepare for a relationship so well, plus why good coaching is wise when moving on from a relationship.
Lighting a few candles, having some nice aromas, especially lavender and ylang ylang, drifting through, and doing other things to help you relax is good. Doing those things never actually deals with the root cause though, which is important.
For long distance relationship success, insecurity and low self esteem must be properly dealt with.
Techniques For Dealing With Insecurity
Meditation can be good for this, as can techniques like Ho’o Pono Pono, they do require a good amount of practice in order to have the mental focus and discipline to be able to dig out root causes effectively though.
Neuro linguistic programming and Time-Line Therapy are incredibly good, they do however require specific training courses which are far from cheap if you want good results.
The best way to deal with insecurity and low self esteem, especially if you wish to do so in a timely manner, is by getting good coaching, specifically mindset coaching, that will root out all the negativity causing issues for you. While also helping to empower you with beliefs and a mindset foundation which will bring the results you actually desire, in terms of a good dating mindset and mindset for everything else.
Long Distance Relationship Tips That Keep Things Are On Track
The world is a big place, and many couples do work though the challenge of a long distance relationship at some point. From running a Japanese marriage agency, and from duties involving international matchmaking on a daily basis, I have seen many couples make online dating and their long distance relationship work successfully, through to the point of marriage, and beyond.
These Are Some Of The Simple Things That Make A Long Distance Relationship Successful:
- Commit to each other and stay committed
- Mutually establish a comfortable routine for communicating
- Always be honest and open with each other about everything
- Be kind and compassionate with each other, especially when things happen
- Be fully present and in the the moment when communicating
- Establish ground rules and healthy relationship boundaries
- Have a clear plan for the future both short term and long run
- Accept that life happens and things can change
- Be their to support each other as needed
Move Forward Towards The Future Together Even While Apart
Being on the same page from the start, in terms of values, beliefs, and desires for the future, is essential. These things are the backbone of a good relationship, and things that should be core when you are choosing a life partner.
As with every relationship, you are two people, each with your own life, choosing to come together and share your lives. Honor that choice. While you are choosing not to live under the same roof, or finding yourself in a situation where it is deemed necessary, you can still give your best to each other. Having healthy relationship boundaries is very helpful with this.
Successful long distance couples, as with other successful couples, generate that success through unity and being their best for each other. When either you or your partner pull back, and stop giving 100%, then the relationship grows duller. Over time leading to neglect and breakdown, even for those who believed they had found their true love when they met.
It is that commitment to each other which is vital for things to work, and you must follow through with action in support of your commitment.
The Inside Track From A Professional Coach And Matchmaker
Through matchmaking activities that we do at Marriage Matching, as well as from coaching done with clients, a really solid understanding of what makes a relationship successful, including a long distance relationship, has been reinforced over time.
Through professional matchmaking, we know the couples that we bring together have compatible mindsets and life goals, plus they share the same relationship goal. It is always down to how those couples interact, as to how successful their relationship is.
Some make things work beautifully across multiple time zones. Others struggle when just an hour apart, or even in the same place geographically.
Having a positive energy and yielding good emotional support are clear priorities for couples that work well together. They spend time together regularly, talk about things in varying depths, ensuring they understand each other properly, plus they never leave long periods of waiting when communicating with each other, unless work is preventing them from replying. Even then, they communicate that fact, and are compassionate with each other.
While some people allow their sexual desire to rule them, successful couples, especially long distance couples, understand that there are more important things for a healthy relationship. Knowing that physically, when they are together, that side of fulfilment can be achieved. While they are apart, they stay committed to each other, building the mental and emotional support to far higher levels than many other couples ever do.
It’s completely possible to survive, and even thrive, in a long distance relationship. Provided you are fully committed to each other.