Scared to fall in love? It happens all too commonly, often because of past relationships, though all is down to past experiences and learning picked up on life’s journey.
Good coaches and mental health professionals know that for some people it comes down to having dated someone who was abusive, while for others the childhood experiences with parents shape the fear that arises. Being bullying at school, college or university, especially where a crush was involved, can have a dramatic effect too.
There are many sources of trauma, along side cumulative build up of stress, that can cause mental disorders around falling in love.
It is however just a fear holding you back from enjoying a healthy relationship. With some understanding and help, dealing with that deep down pain, and the negative feelings around it, it is completely possible to move on into a loving relationship with a worthy partner.
Overcoming Fear Of Love So You Can Have Healthy Intimate Relationships Can Be Easy
Afraid To Fall In Love
Philophobia is the term for when people are afraid of falling in love.
Increase of GABA, a chemical found in some foods, has been found to help reduce feelings of fear, though GABA itself will never remove the root cause of any fear. Coaches and mental health professionals understand well that fears form on a psychological level, as a result of various causes related to experiences and learning.
Seeing a doctor is unlikely to help, as doctors are unable to diagnose philophobia. Mainly as it is absent from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). lack of physical symptoms being one reason for its omission.
Being afraid of falling in love is nothing unusual, it is healthy to overcome and move on from as quickly as possible though.
I Am Scared Of Love
Being afraid of love is different to being fearful of a particular person.
Having a fear of love is overarching, and thus applies to anyone you may have an attraction to, or feelings for. It is more abstract, though often has definite roots in something that happened previously.
Fear of a particular person has definite roots in something related to that person, so finding the root can be much easier.
Previous Relationships Have Made Made Me Fear Love
For many people, previous relationships, be they family or romantic relationships, hold the seed from which things developed.
While it is possible to develop a fear of something from repeat messaging in songs, TV shows and movies, those things generally lack the emotional impetus to generate a fear. That said, they can exacerbate feelings which are forming or have formed. Few people really listen to the lyrics of songs, and a lot of music carries very negative messaging about relationships, so picking your playlists carefully, especially if you are prone to negative thinking, depression, anxiety, and states of fear, is wise.
Previous relationships, especially where there are repeating themes with behavior and treatment, have a very notable effect on the creation of fears, and the amplification of them through mounting evidence.
What is worth noting is that people are different, it is just the case of finding the right person so that a healthy relationship can be enjoyed. Overcoming that fear first makes that much easier, and should thus be a priority.
Scared Of Loving Someone
Being afraid of loving someone can be down to an overall fear, or something more specific to do with that person. Often there are roots in self esteem and self love.
That lack of self love means people often feel unable to be loved by others, especially those they view as doing well in life, people who are creating more success in various things than they are.
What is important when there’s a fear of loving someone, is working out whether you would feel OK falling in love with someone else, or whether falling in love with anyone would generate that same fear. Basically, to overcome the issue you need to know whether it is person specific, or general.
Once you know, the root can be determined, and overcome.
Scared Of Feelings For Someone
There are varying magnitudes to being afraid of feelings. starting from mild discomfort, through to full blown terror or phobia.
In certain cases, those negative feelings will dissipate over time, either as the relationship grows and positive reinforcement occurs. Or, through lack of connection and naturally moving on.
The point at which those feelings are paralyzing you from taking action, even as much as saying “hello”, is where action is wise for your own mental wellbeing. While sometimes intuition can hold you back from starting a relationship with someone who be be unhealthy for you, other times fears, especially of inadequacy due to low self esteem, could hold you back from being someone who would form a loving good relationship with you.
So that source of fear surrounding a potential relationship is important to understand.
There are also times when emotions run so high, that a person can feel afraid of being carried away by a hurricane. Sometimes, people meet and there is such intensity to that encounter, that thoughts of what could develop create anxiety. Knowing whether to commit to that relationship, or avoid it, can be challenging. Seeking advice from impartial third parties can be wise, coaches can be especially helpful. Friends or family could be helpful, though they could have a vested interest in alternative options and outcomes.
If you do pursue a high intensity relationship, it may not workout, and then the emotions need to be processed so you can move on.
Equally well, if you never give a potential relationship a go, you will never know what could have been. Some people experience life long regret about “the one who got away.” At times it is better to commit and see how things turn out, you could be very pleasantly surprised.
I’m Scared To Fall In Love
There are two core reasons why this kind of fear of falling in love develops with people. Usually it is because of issues with previous partners, the second main possibility is that they’ve never been in love before and wonder what could happen.
This type of fear, regardless of cause, often has a component of anxiety that runs with it.
While there is the root fear of falling in love, there is usually the anxiety of a painful breakup, ghosting, sense of loss, wasted time and energy, and various other similar negative outcomes. Anxiety as a note is a very odd emotion, in that it is based on the negative expectation of a future outcome. By focusing on positive thinking, and developing a healthy, positive mindset, much anxiety can be overcome. Making to easier to get rid of other root fears.
Never Been In Love And Fearful Of What Could Happen
When someone has never been in love before, rather than being fear at work, it is more often anxiety.
Without an understanding of how people behave in relationships, or experience of it, the mind can run wild with possibilities. Which, seeing as most people struggle with controlling their thoughts, often end up in negative spirals that end up crushing wonderful possibilities.
There is only ever one way to see what happens after falling in love with someone, and that is to do so.
Until you you have fallen in love, and seen how things develop, then everything can only be imagined. You imagination could be spot on, or could also be very wide of the mark, potentially not even in the ball park.
Having support is important when this is the case, again, that support must be impartial. Concerned only with your greatest wellbeing, and with achieving things that will be holistically good for your life.
Even without support, taking a chance can be good. If you have never fallen in love, then allowing yourself to do so, bypassing that fear, can be a very positive and empowering experience for you.
Past Relationships Destroyed My Faith In Love
When past relationships are affecting current and future ones, it is a big problem. One that should be dealt with quickly, and properly.
If you’ve had trouble in other relationships before, with abusive partners, neglect, disappointment, lack of fulfillment, then recognize that those were with different people.
Granted, some people do continually attract the same type of partners. When that is the case, easily observed due to common themes in relationships, then getting a good coach or therapist to help clean up the mindset issues that are resulting in those patterns, is extremely wise.
Do remember on top of that, everyone is different.
Just because certain partners have been challenging previously, is zero indication that your next partner will be the same.
Clean up your mindset, your values and beliefs about people and relationships, and you can easily have a healthy, good relationship which is fulfilling and rewarding. Fear of falling in love blocks people from having that fulfillment in life. Dealing with fears, of all types, is wise so you can enjoy life to the fullest extent possible.
Scared Of Liking Someone
When fear of liking someone exists, it’s best to ask why.
When someone has low self esteem, or a lack of self love, then concerns about what others think of them are common. Then, when it comes to liking someone in a romantic way, the magnitude shifts.
Implications of potential outcome shift in magnitude. When someone is of little consequence, someone can be concerned as to what they will think of them. If that someone is a potential romantic partner, suddenly the stakes ramp up massively.
There is a proportionality.
The best thing to do in these situations is to actually address the root. Build self esteem and self love. Release the limiting beliefs about yourself. In doing so you will open up the opportunity for having a truly wonderful and loving partner. Learning how to practice self love and achieve healthy self esteem is well worth doing.
In Love And Scared
When you’re already in love, yet fear is rising within you, then work out where it’s coming from.
If you are genuinely afraid of your partner, due to threat of violence, bullying, psychological mistreatment, or other such things, then leave, as quickly as possible.
In other cases, feeling anxious about different things can be relatively common.
Self esteem and issues of self love can also cause unpleasant challenges for some. Thoughts often revolving around whether their partner truly loves them, whether they will be left for someone else, whether their other half is happy, and so much more.
When you’re with a well matched, truly compatible life partner, then there should be nothing to be fearful of.
How Self Esteem And Deeper Fears Can Paralyze
Low self esteem and lack of self love can paralyze people, and ruin relationships.
While most partners will give positive responses to questions like:
- Are you happy with me?
- Why do you love me?
- You’re not going to leave me are you?
There will come a time when due to repeated questioning, they will start questioning their own choices, and consider possibilities.
Building healthy self esteem, and learning to love yourself is crucial for harmonious relationships. When it comes to successful relationships, good self esteem has a very strong influence on the level of success possible. It needs to be healthy for both partners.
Getting Help From Coaches And Mental Health Professionals
Fearing love has many potential causes, even for those well practiced in meditation, mindfulness and various other techniques, it can be very challenging to find the root. Plus, there can be multiple causes that roots draw from, with the fear only being gone once all roots have been unearthed and taken out.
Coaching and therapy, being able to talk with an impartial mental health professional, coach or other type of therapist, is a commitment worth making for the happiness and fulfilment it will bring.
Due to the two way street involved, intimate relationships work best when both partners have healthy self esteem, and are free from negative beliefs about relationships.
Clearing Past Relationships, Self Doubt, And Lack Of Self Love Ready For Meaningful Relationships
When you struggle with fear of falling in love, or fears in general, and low self esteem, before entering into any new relationship, getting help to clear out those issues is going to be in your best interest. Because only once your mindset is clear, with positive focus, with positive beliefs about intimate relationships, can you then achieve happiness and stability in love.
A good coach or other mental health professional will help you calm your inner critic.
While having an inner critic can be good, for congruence and ethics checks, that inner critic can cause problems when left unchecked.
Moving Forward And Letting Go Is Easier With Help
Processing hurt and pain from past experiences, which have left you feeling vulnerable, with a need to protect yourself, is essential for anyone intent on moving forward properly. It’s essential to deal with these things properly, otherwise there’s a risk of patterns reemerging that would result in further hurt and pain.
Find a good coach who will help you become aware of and identify moments of causes, and wider patterns, within your mindset. Often there will be a set of real world tasks set to help you with the process of getting rid of fears and past hurt. Even in extreme cases, there are therapies and coaching techniques which can help you deal with the fear of falling in love, the fear of rejection, along with any idea that’s holding you back from happiness. A good course of life cleaning therapy with a good coach can be incredibly beneficial.
Take the important step of commitment to that process which will help you lose those pain points and previous challenges. Be honest and open with them. Doing so will help you move beyond fear of rejection, being afraid of intimacy, and come through to a point where you do expect positive results from dating.
Finding The Right Long Term Relationship And Falling In Love
Being in a long term relationship is all about finding your soulmate. Someone you can love easily, and who will love you equally in return. Someone you can be in harmony, and enjoy life with.
Falling in love is relatively easy, when you’re open to it. For that, your mindset needs to be clean and open to love. Cultivating a healthy dating mindset is a good step to attracting your soulmate, and true love. From there, things can blossom and grow.
For those struggling to find true love, getting professional help from a marriage agency is wise. In doing so you can be assured of meeting people who are like minded, being in the right dating pool so to speak. Matchmaking is another very good option, especially for those who are very shy, or extremely busy. Matchmaking services, run by skilled professional matchmakers, can help people who have faced challenges in love, to find their true love, and real happiness in doing so.
So process the issues that have led to fear of love. Fear of falling in love can be released, and healed relatively easily, you’ll need to make a conscious effort to drop down the defense mechanisms to do so though. While it may sound strange, you need to make yourself vulnerable so you can heal and grow healthier in your mindset and heart. Something which is easy when talking with a good coach.
Then if appropriate for you after your mindset and heart are clear and open, get professional help to find your soul mate so you can enjoy all the wonderful rewards of committed loving relationships, free from fear.