These are just two very important signals about someone being the right person for you for life, there are a few other very important things needed to ensure you are going to enjoy a truly healthy relationship with someone you can consider your true love.
Much of this is a reflection on how to choose a life partner. While naturally a certain level of physical attraction can come into play, depending on the value you place on it, most things core to knowing you are with the one are on a psychological level.
While physical attraction is deemed important in early years, it is the way couples interact on a psychological level which governs their ability to actually enjoy a solid relationship together. When partners can enjoy each other’s company fully, actively wanting to be together, communicating with ease, being comfortable during quieter times, and enjoying the more exciting times in the same way, then they are likely set for relationship success in a great way.
If you’re thinking “should I get married?” Then there are signals you should be paying attention to early on in any new relationship. When you know the signals to look out for early on, then you can ensure your time is being spent well, with the right person, and a life of love enjoyed.
Building A Deep Connection And Healthy Relationship Feels Natural When You’ve Found The One
Early Signs You’ve Met The One Psychology
The very early signs usually come very early, within the first few seconds of time together. Other signals come in over slightly longer periods with different interactions showing evidence needed for conscious level confirmation.
Love at first sight does exist.
Over the years of running the marriage agency Marriage Matching I have had the pleasure of working with a great many clients, some only know after a longer period of dating about their partner being the one. Some however have come out of their first introduction, also known as an Omiai. We have had clients who have said they do not need anymore introductions after that first one, because that person is the one, then gone on to announce marriage two months later. There is something which just clicks on an unconscious level within the mind.
Being On The Same Page In Life
Something core to a partner being the one is that you think and feel about things in life the same way.
Essentially you want the same things in life.
While some things are less apparent on the surface, there are often unconscious signals that come up, and you unconscious mind processes them against the checklist which forms your values and beliefs associated with that thing. This is the same through all aspects of life. Mindset is core to it all, including relationships and love.
Within the first few moments of talking with someone, your mind has processed a huge amount of information, very little of which you are actually aware of. As an indicator on this, under the neuro linguistic programming model of the mind your unconscious processes around 2,000,000 bits of information a second, of which your conscious mind is capable of comprehending about 134 bits of information a second blocked into seven plus or minus two chucks of information. Most information never makes it to your conscious mind. Most only interacts directly with your unconscious which is the realm of emotions.
As a result, that feeling you get on a gut level, be it excitement, attraction, joy, love, or something else, is a signal from your unconscious to raise your awareness and yield an overall indicator for the situation you are experiencing, or the person you are with. Listen to your gut!
Core values are one of the most important things in relationships. When you both have the same values in relationships then you have a level of alignment which makes being together easy. While you can check for this via a neuro linguistic programming technique known as values elicitation, much does get picked up on an unconscious level. You just have to be open to the signals and take heed of them, at times they can be subtle.
When you do value things the same, desire the same things, then you have the psychological foundations for a good relationship together.
10 Early Signs You’ve Met The One
- You Have Shared Values
- Life Goals Are Shared
- You Have Mutual Respect
- Even Boring Stuff Can Be Fun
- Open Communication Flows Easily
- You Always Feel Comfortable Together
- You Can Easily Feel Calm With Each Other
- You Are Equally Committed To Being Together
- You Are Genuinely Interested In Each Other’s Well Being
- You Always Feel Safe Around Each Other
You Have Shared Values
Having aligned values, the same values in the same priority order ideally, means you view the same, and want the same. This makes working together, which is vital in a relationship, much easier. It means you have a natural affinity for doing things that will bring both of you happiness and fulfillment. As such you can easily strengthen your love for each other, and build a wonderful, harmonious and fulfilling life together.
Life Goals Are Shared
Goals are an offshoot of values. Values lead to beliefs, and beliefs in turn yield goals. When you have the same, or highly related goals, then you can work on creating success together. When that success is achieved you will both derive happiness and pleasure from it, celebrating in the same way. This causes an increase in rapport, which creates a stronger relationship.
You Have Mutual Respect
Unless respect is mutual you have little chance of being happy together. Valuing each other, respecting each other, is core to having a healthy relationship.
Even Boring Stuff Can Be Fun
There are times when you have to do things like cleaning and chores. When you can enjoy doing things like that together then you have a great opportunity for happiness. Going grocery shopping may be far from exciting, for many people, yet when you can enjoy simple things like that together then there exists a natural harmony between you and your partner. When you enjoy being together, regardless of what you’re doing, then you have a connection worth building.
Open Communication Flows Easily
Communication is likely one of the top three most important things in any relationship. It helps you understand each other deeply, helping resolve conflicts when they occur, and helping you maneuver your relationship in a way which has it strengthen and yield fruit that you both wish to enjoy. So when you have easily flowing open communication, then you have a point of foundation that is extremely valuable.
You Always Feel Comfortable Together
Being with your ideal partner feels right. Regardless of what’s going on, you feel comfortable together. Whether you are travelling, or just at home, or on a date, there is a natural ease with being together. Regardless of each other’s flaws, which you may lack any perception of, being together feels right and good.
You Can Easily Feel Calm With Each Other
Regardless of what other stress exists in the world, be it challenges from work, or other socio-economic activity in progress or looming on the horizon, you can enjoy calm and ease together. While excitement can be great, and new activities or other things which provide an endorphin rush or a dopamine hit can be enjoyable, there are going to be extended times when little is happening. Being able to enjoy calm, taking in relaxation together, is important. As much as anything it helps alleviate stress, thus increasing your quality of living together.
You Are Equally Committed To Being Together
Enjoying each other’s company is one thing, while it is important you also need equality when it comes to your commitment to each other. When you value you each other equally, and have equal intent on being together, and that intent is high, then you have strong chances of stability and harmony together. When you freely commit to each other, then you are on track. When one partner is still checking what options they have, then they lack alignment, and seeking a better match would likely be wise. While you can’t change people you can change yourself to bring compatibility, though that can bring challenges later depending on the level of change undertaken. Finding the right partner feels like two matched pieces of a jigsaw coming together, they naturally fit together and nothing is forced. When couples feel right together, and equally commit out of free will, then relationship success can follow easily.
You Are Genuinely Interested In Each Other’s Well Being
There are ups and downs in life, things happen, and at times people need to look after each other. Hence one of the solid early signs that partners are right for each other is when they have genuine interest in looking after each other. They can and do things to help each other be healthy and enjoy life. Note carefully, they never force lifestyle changes, i.e. they never nag or otherwise leverage force or other behavior to bring about cessation of habits they dislike. If someone smokes and you are abjectly against it, do not date them. Never force your views on others, even if you think they could be healthier as a result. People’s choices are their own, they are free to do as they desire. Find someone whose lifestyle and values align with yours, then be active in looking after each other positively.
You Always Feel Safe Around Each Other
Feeling safe around each other is a big clue that you’ve met the one. Good partners never force anything on their partner, they actively promote their wellness in all respects, taking care of them, keeping them safe. So when you naturally sense that you’re safe with your potential spouse or life partner, then you have a good sign about your future together.
What If Things Are Missing From Your Relationship?
There can be variations in beliefs and lifestyle choices, on what you want, how you go about getting things done in life and much more.
Four key things which often come up as differences are:
- Religious beliefs
- Sexual needs
- Future plans
- Shared hobbies
Where religion is concerned, things can work out when couples are open to freedom of religious expression. Pressuring or insisting someone changes religion or their belief system usually brings negativity, if not short term then certainly in the long term. Find someone whose religion matches yours, and if there are specific beliefs that mismatch, then find someone with whom your beliefs do match.
For sexual needs, sometimes working together, coming to understand each other, and falling into rhythm with each other is needed. At times couples completely mismatch in this way, other times they unite in a very wonderful way. One thing worth noting is that as you grow older, other things will become more important, especially your ability to communicate and enjoy other aspects of life together. So if the physical aspect of your relationship is lacking, decide how important it really is to you, if everything else is well matched and your think in the same way, maybe adjusting your expectations would be wise. It can also be that after some time, you naturally hit that magical point of unity. So if everything else is right, think carefully, and communicate with your partner about it.
In terms of future plans, unity is best, always. If you each have visions of different lifestyles and countries to live in, then you will likely diverge. Communicating can bring you together. Understand what you each want. When you have matched values, then likely you can find common ground to work from, a way in which you can gain a common vision, a dream to achieve together. When the differences are too great, or insurmountable, then find a better match. It is better to keep searching and find the right person, than make decisions you will regret in later years out of fear of being alone.
Shared hobbies can take some communication, and trying of each other’s hobbies to find things you enjoy together. When you have values in common, and other relationship aspects are good, then through some trial and error, i.e. giving different things a go together, you can find a new hobby if needed or other things you enjoy doing together. Communicate with each other, work together, and unity will come.
What Happens After Your First Fight?
How you spend time after your first fight is important.
Do you come together, communicate, work things out. Or, move apart and let each other stew. While sometimes you may need some other space to calm, you need to be able to work through things. If you are going to marry, or plan on living together with someone for many years, they need to be your best friend.
Being able to communicate and resolve things easily is essential to maintaining the harmony which enables love and happiness to flourish.
Abusive Toxic Relationships Rarely Improve And Should Never Be Tolerated
Keep an eye out for any early signs of abusive toxic relationships. If a partner treats the other badly, talks down to them constantly, disregards their views and just does their own thing all the time, then that relationship is going to be challenging at the very least.
Never tolerate poor treatment. Find the person who treats you well, whom you love equally, that person you know you will be safe with, and cared for, and who will treat you equally.
Overcoming Past Relationships For Healthy Long Term Relationships
Letting go of all previous relationships is wise. Take the learning from them, let go of the old emotions and limiting beliefs that are associated with them, and move forward. When people have one foot in the past, or feel their heart still longs for someone else, then they are unlikely to ever be happy, unless they can let go and move on.
Absolutely everything in terms of love and harmony depends on your ability to retain a positive focus and love for the person you are in a relationship with. If you spend time longing for someone, or your partner is still feeling attached to an ex, there will be challenges. Letting go so you can devote yourself to your partner makes having a healthy relationship possible.
Utilizing Coaching Or Therapy To Get You Mindset Right
Using a dating coach can help you build confidence to ask someone out, and navigate the dating process. Getting relationship coaching can help with conflict resolution.
Talking to a therapist or getting high quality coaching prior to starting a new relationship can be wise for a number of reasons. Coaching and therapy can both help you move on from previous relationships, and get your mindset reset so that you can be the best version of yourself and prepare for a relationship with the right person for you. For long term relationships to be successful, limiting beliefs and old emotions need to be dealt with. Being able to healthily overcome breakup opens opportunity for love and happiness to flourish.
Regardless of previous partners and relationships, whether you have been married before or not, you can still find the one. If you’re concerned about being able to find love after divorce or thinking “will I find someone better than my ex?” Or, anyone else from previous relationships, then you are holding yourself back from being able to meet the one. Utilize coaching or therapy to help you get your mindset right so that happiness, love and the one can come easily.
Building A Better Mental And Emotional Connection
When your partner’s presence makes you fill with love and happiness, you have likely met the one.
While there are early signs you’ve met the one, there are times when you need to nurture things a little more. Holding back feelings for someone blocks love, yet is frequently done by many out of a desire for protection. Being open with each other, never holding things back, is essential for healthy relationship development, and helping things move forward so love can flourish.
Ensuring You Develop A Successful Relationship
Do things together, spend time together.
You should be each other’s best friend. You should each be the person your partner wishes to be with, as much as possible. Look to be the kind of couple that inspires friends to talk about having the kind of relationship that you have. Become each other’s world.
Learn each other’s love language, then use it effectively alongside open communication, so you both understand that you are loved, and where you each stand with each other.
Using Each Other’s Love Language Effectively
This can take some communicating in itself. There are five love languages, knowing which ones are important to each of you can remove much doubt and anxiety from relationships. It is quite possible for two people to love each other completely, yet never realize it due to differences in communication and perception.
When you know how you each gain understanding of being loved, and showing love, then you can incorporate that knowledge into your daily lifestyle, so that the knowledge is kept current and alive at all times in your relationship.
What To Do If You Are Still To Meet The One
The little things do matter, as do the big things. When you feel there is something missing, never be afraid of expanding out from something which lacks what you seek in a long term relationship. When you want to find a marriage partner, or a partner you will be with for the rest of your years even if not in marriage, then you want to be certain that things are right.
Never Be Afraid To Break Things Off To Find The Right Person
So if you feel you have as yet not met the one, then allow yourself to realize that through staying together you are limiting the potential of both of you in terms of finding your soulmate, that true love which is what will bring true relationship fulfillment.
Yes, breaking things off can seem scary at times, it can also be absolutely the right thing to do.
At Marriage Matching, and many other Japanese marriage agencies, we have a six month limit on dating after successful Omiai, also known as introductions. This is to ensure that people stay focused on finding the right marriage partner. From experience it has become very noticeable that those couples who are right for each other know within two to three months of meeting. Many know during their first meeting, they pick up on the subtle signs they’re each giving off, which show the deeper connection they share without having had time to explore it. It is very much true that you know when you know, many people wait too long in search of that feeling, rather than moving on when it fails to become apparent to them.
Sometimes you can find that feeling if you spice things up, sometimes you have to realize that the person you are with is someone other than the one.
Getting Help To Find The Right Partner For You
Finding a good partner can be a serious challenge for most people. Locating someone you have that instant connection with, with whom love can easily blossom is the reason many have turned to various dating apps and agencies, all of which have varying rates of success.
For those serious about long term love, using matchmaking services or registering with a good marriage agency often yields far more positive results than most apps can yield. As much as anything, using professional matchmaking or marriage agencies usually means getting in the right dating pool with those they are actually aligned with on a mindset level.
Of course, partner and cultural aspects come into action too. Using an international matchmaker can be good when your cultural alignment or taste in partner is different from the local dating pool you have access to. Over the years through the work we do at Marriage Matching, domestically in Japan and internationally for clients in multiple continents, many of the people we have worked with have found the one and there are various success stories we celebrate from couples we’ve brought together.
When you are eagerly anticipating finding your perfect life partner, getting help from relationship experts and agencies can be an extremely good thing to do.
Knowing When You Have Found The One
Stephen Frost
Founder
Stephen Frost is the founder of Marriage Matching and uses his deep experience of coaching and mindset to help people achieve fulfilling, loving, and healthy relationships.