For some the concept of such short periods of time getting to know someone is to alien for the prospect of success to be able to merge in. Those who gain success as a result of a speed dating even fit a very narrow band of mindset types. As with any type of success, the mindset has to be properly aligned, with full belief that the right person can an will be met. Often this requires prior work to let go and move on from previous relationships, as such use of coaching to help prepare for a relationship can be advantageous, while ongoing dating coaching yields further optimization and helps you remain on track for dating success. Largely as with the right coach alignment can be quickly created which enables success to come more swiftly than most are used to.
For those who are mentally and emotionally ready, in a holistic psychological manner, speed dating can be very effective. In part due to how people who are properly prepared on a psychological level actually leverage things like the law of attraction, even if without realizing they are doing so.
So the value brought by any speed dating event is very much dependent on the psychological state of the person when they are attending. Ideally, when some one is both well attuned to what they want from life, have properly dealt with previous challenges, let go of limiting beliefs and negative emotions, and are having a good day, then speed dating works for them.
For most people, the reality comes that results coming from any speed dating session they attend will be lackluster, based on their psychological state and the type of people they will both attract and repel as a result.
Knowing what you’re getting into, along with how things work, and what to do when you’re seeking true love with a partner that you can develop a long lasting relationship with, then there are some key things to be aware of and prepare for.
Speed Dating Events Work Best When A Person’s Mindset Is Clean And Properly Aligned For Success
What Is Speed Dating?
How Long Is Speed Dating?
For most speed dating events, potential partners meet for approximately 2 minutes before moving on to meet someone else.
Often there can be multiple iterations of meeting possible partners, some events focus on people meeting just once, others have them meet two or three times depending on how the event is structured. With each time being limited to around 2 minutes in order to keep them focused.
Fast Dating And Other Names
There are a few different names for speed dating events, realistically they vary by organizer and how unique they wish their events to sound.
Common Alternate Names For Speed Dating Include:
- Fast dating
- Rapid dating
- Rapid-fire dating
- Round-robin dating
Speed Dating Time Limit
There are a number of reasons behind this being the limit, and much relates back to the psychology of first encounters and gut instincts that arise from them.
While 2 minutes is a relatively short period of time, with little depth being possible on a conversational level, the focus is meant to be more on the energy of the interaction. Scientific researchers found that when people meet they generally know within the first 30 seconds how well they will get along together. This was defined as ‘thin slicing’ by various psychologists including from Psychology Today and the APA referring to human behavior and events such as speed dating.
Sometimes thin slicing can fail, in terms of long term prospects. Though that failure is more to do with limiting decisions, limiting beliefs and negative emotion built up from previous relationships and encounters. Hence why dealing with the past and getting coaching help to prepare for a relationship can be very wise.
Speed Dating History
When he ran the first even in Peet’s Coffee & Tea in Beverly Hills, Rabbi Yaacov Devo started out with a 10 minute limit for couples, using a gragger, a noisemaker used during purim, to ensure couples knew when it was time to move on to the next potential partner.
That first event was run through the non-profit group American Friends of Aish HaTorah, for whom Yaacov was working at that time. With the working of that first speed dating event coming as a result of him brainstorming with a group of friends in his living room.
Changes After The First Speed Dating Event Organized
What happened after that first event was a series of iterations, and imitation ideas as news of the event and the idea behind it went wide.
While the original idea was for 10 minutes with each person, then feedback via cards which were checked by those overseeing events. Other ideas run by different people were more gameshow like, including variations on rules, and shorter time limits. Some events limiting time for each couple to just 30 seconds. While some iterations brought positive development, others made Yaacov rather more uncomfortable.
Yaacov and his friends did trademark the SpeedDating term, and began filing a patent, though whilst doing so realized that things had spread so fast that it had already spread out of their control, and decided to just let it take its course in the world. Sadly, Yaacov passed away in 2023, though the work he started with his friends in 1998 continues to help many people worldwide.
There are a wide variety of events run by different groups, all with their own nuances now. Most of which conform to certain standards, in terms of both event rules and behavior guidelines, though again, there are variations. Notably, in certain countries the format is too divergent from the cultural identity. In countries such as Japan, where trust is a major factor, the predominant system is for Omiai which are specialist marriage introduction services. As a result dating in Japan is very different, not least from the fact that Japanese people avoid casual dating, seeking the right partner for marriage first and foremost.
What Are Speed Dating Events?
For most events, the purpose is merely to bring people together and see how well they get along, with the idea being that those who are most compatible will begin dating after the event.
Speed Dating System
Commonly, speed dating events are organized with 10 potential sets of partners, usually ten men and ten women, depending on the organizers and the target groups inclinations.
One standard rule at such events is about sharing of contact information. Essentially couples are forbidden from exchanging contact details during meetings. That is usually handled by the organizers at the end of the event, once they have evaluated the feedback from each person and determined compatibility.
Speed Dating Process
The ten sets of potential matches are commonly placed in pairs at tables at the beginning of the event. The compere gives a briefing to the attendees about the rules and the event format, especially how it is expected to flow, then at the appropriate time signals the commencement. At predetermined intervals, typically lasting two minutes, the compere will give a signal, at which point the conversation should stop and feedback cards should be completed, these are then submitted to the organizers after the event for evaluation and matching.
Once feedback cards have been completed, one of the pair moves to the next table and the next partner. Commonly this is the man, and the lady waits for the next of her potential matches to arrive, there are variations depending on the dating life and sexual orientation a speed dating event is being held to benefit.
When everyone is in position again, the two minute timer is reset, and the process of quickly discerning about a possible partner begins again, with the process continuing until all possible pairs have met and spent time together. Essentially a big series of micro dates. Usually they will talk once or twice over the speed dating rounds, though some events will yield a third chance depending on the organizers involved.
Speed Dating Information
Most events are held for male and female partnerships, marriage and relationship laws in different countries have a natural effect on any events held.
One thing which strikes contrast with much online dating and especially in relation to online dating apps, is that with speed dating events those involved are meeting in person, at a managed and essentially chaperoned event. This helps create a far safer environment, where those involved can actually see the truth of the person they are talking with, rather than viewing an image which is years out of date if not completely false.
Depending on the organizers, some direction and help is given in terms of conversation starters. This is often the case with more introvert based groups who find initial connections and conversations challenging. For most events such things are unnecessary. What usually happens is if people dry up conversationally, they take it as a sign of poor connection, and share feedback via the cards to that effect. Again, the focus at any speed dating event is finding the right person, part of which is the acceptance that not every potential partner will be right, and some mismatches are likely to be encountered on the path to relationship success.
First impressions count, and getting your authentic self out is vital for any meaningful romantic connections to occur in such a time pressured environment. Even busy people can find the pressure high, based on both their expectations, and the expectations they perceive potential partners to have. With the short amount of time involved, high levels of stress can be common.
Beyond sharing common interests, rapport needs to be created through use of body language, tone of voice and use of words along the lines of how the neuro linguistic programming communication model works, something which can greatly help improve communication in relationships. When you are short on time for verbal expression, other rapport building techniques are essential for success to occur.
Finding success, and your soulmate, in a single evening is rare. While possible, the odds are more in line with going to multiple events for many people. Results always vary depending on personalities present, in particular the mindset of those attending. It is one thing to have a positive mindset on a conscious level, what defines results most often is what’s going on within the more unconscious sections of the mind. Getting those things cleaned up, especially in terms of effects from past relationships, and properly aligned makes a big difference when searching for a new partner, and is even more vital when seeking that perfect match.
Speed Dating Match
Speed dating consists of multiple dates held in a quick fire process with just a couple of minutes with prospective partners. While sometimes there are matches, yielding either short or more occasionally long term, success, most find it a challenge to their mental health. Rejection can be harsh and having a stable well aligned dating mindset is as a result vital.
When someone is focused on finding that special someone to share their life with, usually any speed dating event attended will just have them in the wrong dating pool for the result they desire. While it is possible to meet people, often the wrong ones are met as the diversity of ideas, preferences and goals is too broad.
Matchmaking Vs Online Dating Vs Speed Dating Which Works Best?
With online dating apps, and online dating in general, people have some awareness of personality and preferences before talking with someone. With matchmaking, along with usage of marriage agency services, clients usually know far more about potential matches before talking with them, plus they have faith from the fact that every potential match has been through background checks and vetting.
With any speed dating event, attendees are relying on their intuition based on a very short period of time in a relatively hyped environment.
When people are still working out what they want from life, and only interested in more casual type dating, then going to a speed dating event can hold value. It can be a good opportunity to discover more about preferences, what is actually desired, and what will result in a great relationship for that person.
When people are more remote, and far from places with a diverse dating pool where they can easily meet new people, then use of online dating can be wise. Largely as people can be met worldwide leading to conversations and encounters that expand into thoughtful questions about what is truly wanted in terms of love.
When someone is seriously seeking a marriage partner, and encountering challenges with finding the right person for marriage, then using a marriage agency can be very wise.