Dating mindset is something few are really aware of needing, though how you think is core to the potential partners you attract, and crucially, how easily you create a happy, healthy relationship.
Many people find themselves feeling way too much pressure, getting caught up in challenges of online dating and dating apps. Developing stress which on an unconscious level blocks them from attracting their ideal life partner.
There are however some easy things you can do, and some deeper more challenging though hugely worthwhile things, that make dating more enjoyable, and more successful too.
Having Your Dating Mindset Right Is Crucial To Having A Happy And Healthy Love Life
- Dating Mindset
- What Is Mindset?
- Deal With Self Esteem Issues Before Finding A Meaningful Connection
- Dating Apps And Online Dating Insulating Against Rejection
- Relax And Stop Placing Too Much Pressure On Yourself
- Stay Natural When Communicating With A Potential Partner
- Follow These Dating Mindset Tips To Make The Dating Game Successful For You
What Is Mindset?
Mindset in simple terms is the collection of values, beliefs, thoughts and opinions that make up how you perceive reality.
Something which few people realize is that you have around 2 million bits of information coming in through your various senses every second. Consciously however you can only process around 134 bits of information a second.
Your mind deletes things it feels are unnecessary or irrelevant, generalizes other things where awareness is needed though less important, and distorts other things so they fit your model of the world. It is why some people can never tell when a potential partner is interested in them, though they can instantly tell if someone is interested in their friends.
How your mind deals with information has a massive impact on how successful your dating career is.
Growth Mindsets Vs. Fixed Mindsets And Dating
Carol S. Dweck brought the fixed and growth mindsets concept to the world, with both men and women capable of having each type of mindset.
Fixed mindsets never, or very rarely, change how they think, and struggle with change. They like things a certain way, and even subtle changes to that can bring stress.
Growth mindsets by contrast seek change and improvement as a way of achieving better results, and bringing greater happiness.
Fixed mindsets can be challenging when dating, as potential partners can incur great displeasure when things aren’t done the way desired by the fixed mind. If two people have exactly the same view, their values and beliefs are completely aligned, then two fixed mindsets can work very well together, finding that person can take time though. As such patience is worthwhile.
Growth mindsets tend to be more easy going as partners, often happy to try out different things, and go to new places. Growth and fixed can work together, if the attraction is high enough, and there are sufficient things for the growth minded partner to coalesce with someone of fixed minded. Generally, a growth mindset is happiest with other growth mindsets, as being with someone fixed can becoming too limiting, bringing ‘deal breakers’ in terms of rigid demands, if not immediately then certainly over time.
In real life, things are less clear cut than the standard definitions of fixed and growth mindsets, with false growth mindset and also truer growth mindset being possibilities. The definitions given by Carol S. Dweck are very generalized, with the neuro linguistic programming idea of mindset being far more true to real life.
Deal With Self Esteem Issues Before Finding A Meaningful Connection
One of the biggest issues with mindset when it comes to issues with attracting partners is that of self esteem.
When a person has low self worth, they see little value in themselves, and as a result others tend to see little value in them either. Unless they know them really well, and understand often hidden qualities. It echoes through both their respect for themselves, and how others respect them. This has been proven in psychological studies.
Likewise, inflated sense of self worth causes issues too. With people seen as arrogant, or even narcissistic.
Both these things serve as blocks to finding a meaningful connection, and thus finding love.
Release Old Hurt, Negative Emotions And Limiting Beliefs Before Dating
The best thing to do, whether you are aware of any issues around esteem or worth, is to work with a good coach who can help you release any limiting beliefs, and negative emotion.
Dating Apps And Online Dating Insulating Against Rejection
New people often find rejection rates on dating apps and with online dating services to be fairly soul crushing.
Most people expect to put up a profile, and be flooded with messages and contact requests. While also expecting everyone they message to want to meet them. This very rarely happens in practice.
Basically because they think that if they are attracted to someone, then they will be attracted to them too. In reality, everyone has a different type, and everyone wants to be with their perfect partner. Studies show dating done online can increase rejection rates as a matter of course too, in part due to that lack of rapport possible when meeting vs. viewing a profile.
Finding that perfect match can be challenging, unless you are in a dating pool comprised purely of people that are your ideal type. Such as if you join a marriage agency where everyone is focused on getting married.
The Dating App Amazon Mentality
Another issue which plays here, is the ‘Amazon mentality’ where people expect instant results, and have little if any patience when it comes to getting results. When it comes to finding your perfect life partner, patience is very important.
Unless your mindset is completely clean, free from limiting beliefs, with zero stored up negative emotion, and totally aligned with how you wish to be, and very clear ideas of who you wish to be with. That kind of well prepared mindset is a rarity, as few people understand the value of the work required, and the benefit of having done it.
Whether you go through years of diligent self development and training, or invest in an incredibly good coach to help you develop, the benefits are worth in terms of how much more easily you find a compatible partner, who is truly attractive to you, and drawn to marrying you too.
Focus On Finding The Right Person Rather Than On Rejections
One of the best things to do if rejections are getting to you, is what is termed as reframing in neuro linguistic programming.
Are people going to say “no” at different times? Yes, absolutely.
Does it matter if people say “no” to you? No, definitely not.
When you are seeking the right person to marry, you only need that particular person to say “yes.” Whoever else says “no” is irrelevant.
Focus is massively important with all types of goals and dreams.
The old adage “energy flows where attention goes” is steeped in a deep history of proof. When you concentrate on rejection, it will bring more to you, which can hammer confidence hard.
When you concentrate on meeting ‘the one’, then that is what happens, even if it takes time.
Successful people commonly cite positive thinking as important when achieving goals. Here the goal is finding the right partner for marriage. When you concentrate on rejections, how many, why no-one wants to meet you and other such things, your esteem will take a battering and you will shift into deeply negative thinking.
A better way, is to understand that those who say “no” were never the right one in the first place, and that they have saved you time and energy by rejecting your request at an early stage.
We have worked with clients crushed at first by “rejection rates” and found them “implausibly high” causing them to think they would never meet the right marriage partner.
After a mindset shift, ‘the one’ miraculously appeared as if out of nowhere.
One client who thought he’d met the one, was hit hard when the lady suddenly announced having been introduced to his parents, that she couldn’t continue with him, as she didn’t feel like herself. He needed three months break to deal with the loss, and went through some major mind shift work during that time. When he came back to searching, he found the right lady very quickly, and became happily married as a result of having his mind properly aligned.
Stop focusing on rejections, remind yourself of how potential partners who say ‘no’ have saved you time and energy as you move past the negatives, to the point of a first date with the single person who is right for you. This is a transformative point in creating a mindset that brings success.
Relax And Stop Placing Too Much Pressure On Yourself
Stress and pressure push results in the opposite direction for the goals most people have. It is very rare, unless the mind is laser focused, for stress or pressure to be beneficial.
In contrast, when people are relaxed, feeling calm, then results tend to flow easily in the direction desired.
This rolls on from advice on rejections, and negative thinking. Dating is never about what went wrong, it is about what is coming, and your search to find someone who will be right for a life long relationship. That should always be your primary point of concentration.
Staying calm, and at ease, is equally important with keeping positive.
Women, and men too, rarely respond well when they feel someone is desperate. It usually results in feelings of repulsion.
When someone is stressed, they are rarely a joy to be around. Dates thus feel awkward, with feelings of romance turning cool, as motivation for spending time together disappearing.
As a result, cultivating the ability to stay calm and relaxed, is very important when dating. So when developing the right mindset for success, start practicing meditation, mindfulness, doing yoga, or something similar which will help you to remain calm and in the moment, free from stress, and able to enjoy fun times with your date. It will lead to far more positive results.
Cultivating faith that as a result of dating, even if it takes time, you will find the right long term relationship, is also very powerful.
The clearer you can make your idea of how that will be, along with the type of person you wish to be with the better. Never make it a specific, i.e. named, person, as this limits potential for success. That person you name may also not be right.
Instead, know the look, qualities, and other less tangible things that are important to you, and spend time focusing on those. You can even combine this with meditation and do a visualization meditation, which can be incredibly powerful when it comes to actualizing goals and dreams, even with dating and relationships.
Stay Natural When Communicating With A Potential Partner
Whether meeting via a dating app, dating service, professional matchmaker, or some other means, good communication is vital for a healthy relationship. So much so that we place it in the top three for relationship factors when choosing a future life partner.
It doesn’t matter if you are early on in dating, or deep into life long relationships, good communication is critical for joy between partners.
Taking time chatting, whether about deeper things, or simple talk about your partner’s day, helps improve rapport, while also bringing deeper understanding about them as a person. Without conversation, knowing someone properly is almost impossible.
The more you talk, the deeper you know each other.
So a few quick texts here and there will never be enough, with likely relegation to the friend zone being likely, at best. However, a few quick phone texts, when you talk daily, will yield an amazing effect in terms of partners knowing they are being thought of, and important to each other. Which is especially important when dating.
Remember this too, communication is about more than just words.
Most partners wish for honest feedback about the feelings of who they’re dating.
This merges with guidance on keeping positive too. Generally people hate being around anyone negative, it drains their energy, causing bad feelings for them, which never helps healthy relationships to flourish. The only ones who don’t hate negative feelings from partners are usually narcissists who happen to find such feelings beneficial for keeping someone in a set place.
Pretty much every guy, and girl, finds someone more attractive when they are fun. Regardless of how good looking they are.
That aspect of fun, along with honest, open communication whether face to face, by phone or video dating, makes people more keen on sharing their lives together. In turn increasing the ability for the two people to date in a good way, with an increased opportunity for a positive future together.
Being able to play together, and have fun is a good way to increase rapport.
Unless you really get to know someone deeply though, they are unlikely to decide that you’re the right kind of partnership material for the long term. You must spend time getting to know someone deeply for marriage, or life partnership, to become a viable choice.
Follow These Dating Mindset Tips To Make The Dating Game Successful For You
There are certain things that just elevate the success of any date, and potential relationships.
These are the most important tips that will help ensure your mind is in the right place for gaining that success you desire with your date, and that a good healthy partnership forms, and stays healthy:
- Deal with esteem issues before you start dating
- Insulate yourself against rejection
- Relax and stop placing excessive pressure on yourself
- Stay open, honest, natural and fun when communicating
When you’re doing these things, you will attract your ideal date. With whom spending time together will lead to the moment you decide that marrying and spending your lives together, does feel like absolutely the right thing for you both to do.
Follow the advice in this article, get your dating mindset right, and everything else in your love life will fall into place with relative ease.